PARENTS COME IN PAIRS

Coasting down Vail pass, westbound on a spring morning several years ago, I am meditating on the emotional attitudes to driving that I absorbed from my parents growing up. I have long been aware of my father's tendency to be angry more easily behind the wheel than in many other situations, something that has at times made me nervous as a passenger, both with him and with other people as well. I have also at times noticed the same thing in myself. On this morning I suddenly notice in myself that this is my mother's fear, which had become my fear of his anger. Which became my fear of my own anger, which arose in part as a reaction to her fear and resulting control.

Round and round the mulberry bush we go.

Often times, as we sort through our lives, we notice the affect that one of our parents has had on us. One of them is, perhaps, much more obvious and we focus on that one. We work hard to let go of their energy, to release programming, beliefs, emotional charges: but with only partial success. What I have realized this morning however, as I glide now past Vail and on west along I-70, is that I have incorporated both halves of their dynamic, and that becoming aware of the second, less visible, component can be a key to clearing the full effects of the more visible one as well.

The doorways that let in the influence of one parent may have their source in the other parent. As a couple their dynamics matched up, and we often take on both parts. So I take on the fear of one parent, which creates a doorway to take on the behavior of the other, and to be fearful of similar behavior in other people as I grow up. I am myself both angry and afraid, an internalized dynamic that has more than one part, each triggering and regenerating the other. Cut off only one head and the other is still there, in the shadows, from which to regenerate the first. Like the Hydra of legend we need to address them all at once.

So whenever you come face to face with aspects of one parent that you have taken on or are in resistance to, look in the shadows for the other, and notice how that side of the dynamic affects your life as well. Perhaps this is the key to unlocking some stubborn old issues.

Breathing deeply, relaxing into who you are, be freer to go forth without the fear, without the anger, without the control or self-limitation. Show up in the moment as happy and playful, following your soul's calling, and creating your life from your own vision and inspiration.

PS. It is important to remember that this has everything to do with understanding our own process and where we have taken our programming from. It is not about judging our parents, as that will actually make clearing things more difficult.

© 4/08
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SUNNY SKIES and DARK THOUGHTS

This afternoon the sky is clear and blue as only Colorado and other high dessert skies are blue. The sun is warm, if not hot. Fruit trees are beginning to bloom, as are the little spring flowers in the grass and along the trails. The air smells fresh and clean as the snow on the high mountains. Its about as beautiful a day as you can imagine.

My emotional body responds to this beauty, relaxes, opens, feels happy. Its an easy day to drop into my heart and breath and be grateful to be alive.

Then I notice my mind doing some strange things. It's actually trying to talk me out of the way I'm feeling! It skips right by the fact that it may snow tomorrow (this is Colorado after all) to the fact that its tax day, that a client postponed, that various other things are not perfect in the accounting department. One after another it's tossing these dark thoughts at me, challenging my right to feel happy and enjoy the day.

None of these things affects the present moment, like tomorrow's weather. None of these is cast in stone either, and in fact they may well turn out to be opportunities in disguise. Like tomorrow's weather everything may be different by the time it shows up.

So I ask my mind what the deal is? Well, you can't just feel good for no reason can you? comes the answer. To which I say why not? You've talked me into feeling bad many times for no real reason, haven't you? say I. No reply to that one. Why should it be that we need a reason to feel good? or to feel anything for that matter?

We feel what we feel when we feel it. If we can let ourselves have this then the feelings come and go and we move on. If the mind gets ahold of them and sticks them in a story, or connects them with various memories (in order to explain or justify them) then we start looping. Feelings to memories/story to feelings to.. over and over.

So today I simply choose to connect to the day around me and feel good, be happy, use this as another lesson in what living with an open heart feels like. It may not change tomorrow's weather, any more than my mind can change today's, but I can enjoy today, and perhaps enjoy the snow tomorrow as well.

And perhaps, a little voice says, if you allow the emotional body to cultivate feeling good, in spite of the mental programs, we can learn to feel good most of the time, even when challenging things come.

Choose love not fear, and have a wonderful day.
© 4/08