LOVE AND FEAR

I once spent a summer hanging out at a friend's house where they had a nice pool. I used to like to sit under the water, where it was quite and still. Sometimes I would hold my breath waiting for the impulse to breath to rise up in me, feeling the body tensing and going into fear. Of course all I had to do was stand up, so this was body fear not mental fear, and I would try to relax into the experience, until I choose to stand up and breath.

Years later I read stories of spiritual teachers, who, in answer to student's inquiries about enlightenment had led them to water and held them under. When the student was released and burst to the surface gasping for air wanting to know why this had been done, the answer was: when you have as great a desire for the divine as you have just had now for air, you will be close to your goal.

Is the drive to breathe a love of air or a fear of death?

You may say what's the difference? and perhaps you are right. I suspect, however, that in the case of spiritual pursuits there is a big difference. Are we on a spiritual path because we have a passionate desire to know the divine aspects of ourselves or the universe, or because we are afraid of aspects of the human experience? We may think that we are choosing Love over Fear, but often we are simply seeking a release from Fear.

When we move towards Love not out of Love, but running from Fear this may be a good starting point, but it is probably not the ending point. Can we really merge into a state of unconditional love, when we are still afraid of our fear?

This is why we need to face our fears, to come to terms with them so that we are no longer afraid of them. This is not about being completely fearless, as that is physically impossible. As human beings we have fear built in, as we do hunger. But it is only when we are fearful of hunger, or fear, or anything else that it runs our existence. When we are familiar with fear, cultivate a relationship with it, come to know it almost as a friend, it is simply a state of our physical/emotional being that can serve us. When we no longer identify with it, and we can consciously choose the Light and Love for their own sake, drawing towards them through Love itself, rather than because we are running from Fear.

"Love is the Answer", is about Love as a goal, but more deeply about Love as a Way, as a process that carries us to that goal.

This is why its so important to do what you love, or love what you do. Not just because it will make you happy, or to be successful, but because then you are cultivating the state of Love, of connection, and this allows you to naturally move your attention from fear, to clear and cleanse the denser bodies and open space for our subtler aspects. It is how we learn who we deeply are and how we connect to our internal source of oxygen.
Then happiness and success will naturally follow.

So no matter how simple, small, or "trivial" it is, find places in your life to explore and practice what you love, just because you love it, knowing that you are practicing Love itself and inviting it into your life on all levels, big as well as small. Becoming as little children, connect to the Love inside yourself. It is like having an internal air supply, there is no longer a need to be afraid of being under the water.

(© 3/10)

INITIATIONS

Many years ago I was living in the Bay Area. There was a yoga teacher who had been cropping up in my life for a while. Finally I was going to a weekend program. I actually had the classic problems getting there. My car wouldn't work. I had to take a train, a bus, walk across a shady part of town after dark to get to where I was going to stay. The teacher wasn't there in person, but it was a great weekend and I felt like I had started on a path, said yes to Spirit, that in spite of the challenges I was willing to keep moving forward.

Over the years there have been other teachers, other initiations, other times when I have said yes to Spirit. Some of these times have been formal, with a physical person from whom I was about to receive instruction. Many more of them have been between me and Spirit, when in myself I said yes, knowing that I need to keep walking towards Spirit and not give up.

Probably you have said yes in various forms, yes to Spirit, yes to connection and relationship, yes to self, to Self, to following your heart. And perhaps you have wondered, like me, "so haven't I done that already? why do I keep getting "tested"? why do I keep having to say yes so many times? Will it ever end?

Reflecting back I know I was always on "my path", even before I knew what that meant, and Spirit was always with me, even when I felt out of touch. But over and over there have been times to say yes. To go to another level, to come back to a relationship one more time, to open to the divine, to take the job that your heart wants rather than one that pays more. To face fear and say yes to love, in so many forms, so many "initiations".

Recently the thought came to me: Perhaps this is free will? that we have the chance to say yes with every breath, not once and its over like signing a contract, but choosing in every moment, every action to remember that we are connected to Source and to act from that place, rather than from feeling disconnected. Every moment the universe unfolds anew, and we choose again, to love, to be connected, to face towards Spirit.

All the little places where we say yes to relationship, with ourselves, our Self, with others or with the divine, in spite of the busy-ness and the pressures. Rather than being frustrated with this, is this not a joy? to be asked to remember each moment, that we are part of creation; we are a manifestation of divinity, no matter how cranky we are before morning coffee.

"Saying yes" is not a mental action, figuring out the right answer is not how it happens, it is a feeling in the heart and in your being. There is a joy; when we know and affirm that we are connected to source, source affirms us back, and that we experience as some level of bliss. I invite you to find ways of saying yes to yourself and to Spirit, to joy and love, by making room for them in your life, moment by moment, and remembering always that you are part of the Divine experiencing itself. Let your heart and soul guide you in this. Know that you know how to do this.

(© 3/10)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]