BEYOND SUCCESS

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field.  I'll meet you there. 

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
- Rumi

Millions of years of evolution have programed Homo Sapiens for success. The success of staying alive long enough to find a mate and raise a family. It is built deeply into our brains and our minds, which are tools whose purpose is to facilitate this biological success. They do this by learning what helps us survive and what doesn't. They do this by judgement, backed up by emotional charges on all our experiences.

As social beings we have developed collective experience, collective judgement; still encoded emotionally in the brain, still aimed at being successful. The definitions of success have evolved  as we have. As our social roles have specialized so have the definitions. On top of basic survival there are now many other layers and options about what success means. But there are still definitions, and we are still programed to follow these, to be successful in some way.

With awareness and hard work you may have let go of the definitions of family, of school, of the other layers of society. But it is likely that the machinery of judgment and definition has not gone to sleep. If you have ever been in a new situation, or one that is not unfolding the way you had expected you may have felt the part of your mind that is looking for a new definition of success. It really doesn't care what it is, as long as there is one, so it can feel good about itself and what you are doing or not doing. So we take up spiritual definitions. The process hasn't really changed, the mind is still following its basic program to be successful. These may be personal, or even religious or spiritual, but the mind will have its definitions.

So like the mystics we come to the question: how do we find the place where the issue is never raised at all? That deep place of the Soul that is beyond the human mind with its conditioning and programing, where the Self is always OK. There is no goal that needs to be attained, no purpose that must be fulfilled, no test that must be passed, and the Self is so present and the world so full that the mental machinery has no place.

Once you have found this place in yourself, you can come back to worldly activities, or not. You can take up tasks which have standards, and complete them well. But you are not saddled by the internal judgments and doubts. The tasks of your life are not what define your worth as a soul. That is an absolute given. The divine loves you unconditionally, and when you can find that place yourself, the world changes and success is no longer an issue that torments or drives you. You will find out how much energy has gone into this process, how much life force you can reclaim. You can be happy "just because", not having to earn it first.

Out beyond the need for success there is a field of peace and joy. Let's meet there soon.

(© 10/11)

CONNECTED TO LOVE

Take a moment to settle yourself. Give yourself a few deep slow breaths. Feel the seat under you and the sky above.

Now set your inner attention for self love. Open to the feeling in your body and being.

Notice what just happened. Are you feeling like a child of the universe, being loved by all of Spirit? or have you just flashed into a place where you are by yourself, alone, and trying to love yourself when no one else does?

If you felt the universe loving you, then good for you. You remember that we are all unconditionally connected to Spirit and loved by the Divine, unconditionally. Perhaps you've never really thought about it because its always been there. This is as it should be. Keep up the good work and have compassion for those many of us who, in the process of being human, have forgotten that we are always held and supported by Spirit.

For many of us we come to self love only after we have given up on being loved by others, at least in a deep and clear way that we know is possible. After all we know ourselves better than anyone and who else can love us as we are, appreciate us completely and unconditionally. Looking at the energy of Self Love recently I realized that there is often a hidden association: that we have only come consciously to self love when feeling a lack of external love. Calling in the vibration of self love may therefore invoke times when we have felt alone, having to love ourselves in a "vacuum" of external love. We tend to believe that if we are truly worthy of being loved that others would show this to us.

Self love is not something that you do by yourself, you do it with the whole universe supporting you. It is a receiving of the love that is always there, unconditionally. It is an opening to inner channels and resources, not really a "doing" at all. Loving yourself as a soul is not a matter of self flattery, or puffing oneself up egotistically. It is a deep feeling of presence and love inside and round about you.

Give yourself another breath, slow and deep. Feel the richness of the air and the life force that come with it. Experience the love of the universe pouring into your lungs and feel it spreading out into your whole body. Perhaps you are still, in your minds eye, by yourself, but feel into the truth that you are not alone. Release the outside, and all memories and thoughts that make Self Love hard or heavy. Hold gently and with love any aspects that feel alone, until they relax into your attention. Feel how you are held, enfolded by your Self, by Spirit.

Breathe again and melt into the infinite love of your Self loving you, unconditionally, eternally. The Divine is holding you, as the earth supports you and the sky shines light on you. Your guides and angels are with you. You are a child of the universe, one part of the whole loving itself, and all the power of the universe is supporting you in this. Easy and natural, love yourself and know that you are never alone.

(© 10/2011)

SHOW UP, PAY ATTENTION

The first job I had out of college was in a small software development group. It was a sort of apprentice position, which meant that I handled office boy duties, while also learning about the work the group was doing. While I covered the office boy part I will admit I didn't take it as seriously as my "studies". One day my boss called me into his office and gave a bit of a discourse on "professionalism". He wanted me to show up for all aspects of my job and to commit to the minimal effort required to do them well.

I have always remembered this talk, which I took to mean that it was worthwhile to do what I had to do well, to show up and pay attention, not just for the things that interested me at the moment, but for whatever I was doing, especially if someone was paying me to do it. This is a matter of having respect for people I  interact with, whether at work, home, or play. Perhaps even more importantly it is really a matter of self respect, being fully present as my Self in all situations.

Even when you are physically present, how present are you mentally, emotionally or spiritually? This is what my boss was speaking to. We often seem to show up only as much as seems "necessary" to get something done. We are really cheating ourselves, living parts of our lives half asleep, missing opportunities to explore, learn, grow. You may not always be able to choose (in the moment) what you are doing, but you can always choose how present you are. The more present you are the more interesting things become, the more human you are with yourself and with others; being engaged. This way life has a chance to give back to you. Can you complain that life doesn't give you what you want if you aren't present to receive it? and yet we all do this at times.

While my examples have been about work, this is equally true for all aspects of living. When you are fully present you can do anything with fuller satisfaction. It impacts all your relationships. If you are not present, other people are less likely to be. When you show up engaged with yourself and open to them, they are more likely to match you. When you show up and pay attention, people feel it and respond. Spirit feels it and responds.

Decades later I still remember that talk and when I forget I meet others who set an example that reminds me. I am still challenging myself to be more present, true to my Self, engaged with my life, not just half asleep going through the motions. It is an ongoing practice. We are amazing spiritual beings in human bodies. How do you make everything as alive, as rich, as deep as possible? How do you bring all of who you are to the table all the time? Practice this for yourself, any where, any time, why wait? If you need inspiration, ask. Listen to your heart, make room for your spirit to communicate. I.e. show up and pay attention. Life is much more fun that way.

(© 9/11)[read the full article @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/showup/ ]

THE INNER GATEKEEPER

There is a gateway in you, a gateway of consciousness that opens to your essential self. The part of you that is on the other side of that gateway is ready to invite you in, to welcome you home to yourself. You have been through this gateway before; in the mountains, in the forests, with your children, or a lover. The peak experiences are all on the other side of this gateway. You may have thought you needed someone or something to let you through, but if you seek your Self and match your inner gatekeeper's energy you can be there any time.

Call up this part of you. Remember in your feeling body, in your being, those times you have been there before, let the part of you that knows, remember for you. Open inside and the essential will arise into your awareness. Breath deep, relax and enjoy.

Earlier this month I was co-facilitating a ceremony in the role of gatekeeper to a series of sacred spaces that participants were invited to enter to assist in releasing limitations to connecting to their essential Selves. As the first person approached the first space I felt my awareness shift into a deeper level of presence with myself and with them: an awareness in my body and being, a feeling of fullness and aliveness which I think of as the experience of my essential self. My inner gatekeeper, an aspect of my essential Self had risen for me, supporting the ceremony and all of us there.

As I asked the simple questions that invited each person to be present and to step with intention into the physical space behind me I knew that there was a deeper level to the interaction in which my essential Self was inviting each person to step through their inner gateway into their essential Self.

We are all present as our essential Selves all the time, but we are mostly aware only of the worldly personality levels of our small self. When we do connect to essence it is like a gateway that opens, that our awareness can step through into "higher" aspects of consciousness. Each time we do this deepens our awareness of this gateway so that it is more and more accessible.

Any peak experience that you have had is a time when this door was brought into awareness. Communing with a mountain, a tree, an animal, a love opens it. Remembering these experiences allow that doorway to come into awareness now, feel it inside your Self. You may imagine it as a gateway, and your essential Self as the gate keeper that welcomes you in. Just let your self match the energy of your Self and "step through".

When this doorway opens in us it can help to open the same doorway in others. This is how many of the great masters are. They are like that open door that reminds us that we all have a similar door in our own hearts, in our own beings, and reminds us how to open it.

While we can hold this energy for others, and often it is easier with others, try exploring how to hold it for yourself, to meet your own gatekeeper to your own heart. Come to know your inner gatekeeper for yourself, learn to open the gate whenever you want and then pass it along. When we can all open the gate of our hearts and meet each other in this way what a beautiful world it is.

(© 9/2011)

HOLDING EMOTIONS

Many years ago I heard a talk in which the presenter touched on the clearing of emotions. He referred to primal scream therapy, in which people are encouraged to fully express anger by yelling or screaming. He said that in studies over the years there were no consistent results. Some people seemed to find it healing and others did not, but apparently it wasn't clear why.

I know from personal experience that there can be great healing in being with my emotions, giving them space to be, feeling them in the body, and letting them go. There are beautiful practices of forgiveness, acceptance, and witnessing that are found in different traditions that are based on this.

I have also been in some pretty stuck places where it seemed that I just couldn't let go of the emotion. The emotion was all enveloping; like the heart of a thunderstorm, where you can't see the light. There have been times when I could feel that part of me found safety in an emotion, or confirmation of a belief about myself or the world, at a deep level I was attached.

Emotions are energy which is meant to move, to flow. In the course of life they arise naturally in the body, in response to different life experiences. When we can allow them to move through us like Rumi's guests, entering by the front door and exiting by the back, they are just the flow of life force in different flavors. But when we become attached, or resistant to them, we become identified with them, the flow stops and they move in.

It is said that to all things there is a season, and that is true with working the emotions too. There are times to chose to change the channel, and there are times to embrace them so that they can heal and transform. The key is in neutrality, where we can find the space and separation to have our emotions, rather than being them. Do we identify with them or have a relationship, where we can choose to let them go?

This is the answer to the question about people who have tried primal scream therapy. Those that identify with the anger, who need it to be strong, or "right", or alive, will loose themselves in it and simply pull more anger into their lives. Those who can view it like a guest that is ready to leave, or a state of being that can change, like the weather in Colorado, can express it and release it.

The key is to be able to "hold" the emotion, to have it, but not be it, like a pain in your toe, or the feeling of hunger. With some emotions we may need to give them physical expression, with others we can just feel them in the body, keep breathing, relaxing into them, without judgment, or fear, or other forms of resistance, until they dissipate, transmuting into forms of life force that nurture and sustain us.

Some times we can do this on our own, especially with training and practice. Other times it is good to have a friend, partner, community, or professional to help hold space for us, so that we know we are safe and will come out the other side. The key is to have or find a place to stand outside the emotion, from which to do the holding. Then imagine it like an infant and embrace it with compassion and love. When we can do this it will transform and heal, transmuting into spaciousness for you to be more alive, more present, more joyful.

(© 8/11)

TRAVELING MIND

Summer time is often a time for travel. Short trips or long; with family or friends or on your own; to a city, or out in nature; leaving home for a few days or more can put us in a different space. Especially when we are traveling to places we haven't been before. There is an element of adventure in the unknown; the possibility of learning, growing, changing.

When I was young I sometimes traveled on buses across the country. I would meet all sorts of people, see new places and hear new stories. I discovered that I was a different person on the road, more outgoing and adventurous, generally freer. It was a mindset, or perhaps the lack of a mindset, where I was more open and therefore more met. I had more fun, lived a bit more and liked myself better.

Later I went to Japan, where I lived for several years. There I was really outside of all the mental constructs that were familiar; all the social and collective roles and norms where different and unknown. I frequently had the sense of being in a dream like state of mind, where the possibilities were wider open and I had a sense freedom, of living more from myself and who I was, rather than who I thought I should be. Not "knowing" what I was supposed to do, the past was far away, the future was undefined; I lived more in the present, in the moment, even after I had been there for years.

This summer I've made some short trips which have been fluid in their planning and guided at times by spirit. This is naturally the way one lives "on the road" allowing things to unfold; each day full of possibility for the unknown and unexpected. A new friend, or a new sight or smell, are all magical.

Coming home I felt that I brought some of that magic with me. I was able to be in a city I have lived in for 18 years, and know well, and feel that sense of wonder for what the day will being, for who I might meet, or just to see a familiar site with fresh eyes. That dream like sense of being in the present, the joy of the now, and allowing the future to be full of exciting possibility came home with me. This has faded a bit, but it is still with me and I can cultivate that sense of magic, adventure and possibility everyday.

So if you are traveling this summer, allow yourself to find the magic of adventure and the unknown, even in small things; to feel deeply how you engage with a new place or person. Then bring it home with you. Even if you aren't traveling, perhaps you can go to a new park or part of town nearby, or just remember when you were on the road and full of life and adventure.

There is a state of mind, that is simpler, freer, more present; full of adventure and possibility. It is perhaps natural to find this more when we travel, but you can invite this any where any time. This is who you are when the everyday mental matrix is shed like an old skin. Call it up, let your heart fill with the feeling of being in the present, the freedom of possibility, for the day or the hour. You are creating space to be present in your life in a deeper truer way that cannot help but serve your dreams and your heart's desire.

(© 7/11)

THE MAGIC OF TREES

Growing up on the east coast, mid-atlantic, there were lots of trees. Big trees: oaks, beeches, maples, and many others. Old trees: some that had lived for hundreds of years. I loved the trees then, but they were everywhere and so my relationship wasn't very conscious, except for a few massive old maples or oaks, whose presence and age where palpable even there.
Later in California and I met the redwoods. I was older and beginning to wake up a bit, becoming consciously aware of the energy of things, and when I had the chance to walk in the redwood groves I could clearly feel how their energy affected me. Its a grounded and rooted energy of certainty and being, which allowed me to relax, to let go of the busy human energies of the cities, finding stillness and peace. Much of this is their nature, but I suspect that some of it comes from age, from perspective, the patience and certainty of time.
Now I live in Colorado, part of the world where trees are fewer and smaller. My favorite tree at present is a big cottonwood behind my house. When I sit by it and it helps me ground, to center and release. Its leaves shade my house in the summer. Its branches provide home to birds and squirrels. I can touch it and feel is roots deep in the earth, as deep as the branches are tall, it bridges the upper world of the air and the underworld of the soil.
When I do readings there is a dark green energy, like the pine trees in the mountains here, that I think of as tree energy. It is calm and grounded, quiet and still. It is an energy of listening and being, rather than doing. In this way it is a healing energy, because we all need to be listened to without judgement, simply witnessed.
It is the energy of the center post, of bending in the winds, but holding firm. In its being a tree provides shelter, shade, food and home for animals and birds. For us as well if we choose. In its clear and present being it can instantly help us ground, clear and find our own being and space. Try it sometime soon. Small children will calm down around trees, as they instinctively match their energy. Allow a tree to give that to you.
The trees can also talk to us, especially the old ones that carry their own wisdom. This conversation may translate into words, but it is mainly on other levels and you will feel it or know more than hear it. Allow yourself to receive, to open and learn, trusting that this is something that serves you.
Perhaps you already have a tree that grows near you that you have a relationship with. If so take time to say hello again. If you feel moved you might give it a little food or drink. Something you have made yourself, that has that love of making in it, even a simple "making" is best. Be grateful for the gifts the tree offers you. If you don't have this sort of relationship, you might explore initiating one. Take your time and you will know the proper tree and it will know you.
Exploring the energy of trees and forming relationships, their magic will always be available for you to call up. All their qualities live in you, they just remind us, and remembering you can invoke them for yourself whenever you choose.

(© 7/11)

BEING YOUR BLISS

Joseph Campbell famously suggested that we follow our bliss. This is often taken to mean finding the thing that you love to do and making a career of it. Making a career out of something you love to do is great. However, if you imagine that you will find a starting point and know what the whole journey looks like or where it will lead you, you are likely to part company with your bliss almost as soon as you start. Campbell also pointed out, following your bliss does not mean you know where it will take you.

Sometimes this saying is taken as a broader injunction about how we live all our life, to use the feeling of bliss as a compass in where we go and what we do. This is a deeper level that requires that we know and reference the feeling of bliss on an ongoing basis. It also requires that we come to trust this inner compass. It will tell us if we are on our path at the moment, and perhaps where to go next.

I increasingly find that my mind, still running in old patterns, will spin visions of fear and anxiety when it can't see next week or next month; but if I check into my heart, it is fine. Our bliss is not the pleasure or satisfaction of the body, though we may learn to find it there as well. Following your bliss is not about hedonism in a superficial way, it is about finding the deep joy of being alive that we all carrying inside us.

As children of western culture we tend to assume that following our bliss is something we do in the outer world, a path we take through life, a tool we can use to be happy. It may be all these things, but most deeply it is an inner path which leads us to those levels of our being that are bliss, that are always in touch with the divine. When we have found this inside, we also have our compass, and know the next steps on our path.

The expression is not 'find your bliss', we all have it already. You may say that you don't know what it is, but I suggest that you do. It may be in small things at first; a flower, a song, the smile of a child. You may have put it away as part of 'growing up', but it is still with you waiting to be invited back into your life. Just as a mighty river starts as a small stream in the mountains, find a small piece of bliss anywhere in your life, follow that trickle of water, cultivate the experience. Allow it to grow it will lead you deeply into yourself, where there is a river full of joy and life force, which is our spiritual being.

You have heard of people who have achieved something wonderful, but had no idea when they started where their journey would lead, or how they would fulfill their vision. But they knew their bliss, felt that part of their being, and they trusted it. That perhaps is the hardest part. Letting the mind vent its worries and anxieties but returning ever more deeply to that part of you that is your bliss is in this moment. Close your eyes and follow your breath into your self and find it now.

(© 7/11)

OWNING YOUR CHOICES

Several weeks ago I was hiking with my son in a canyon in southern Utah. Having descended a well maintained trail near a great stone bridge we hiked up the canyon floor on an "unmaintained trail" leading after several miles to another natural bridge and another well maintained trail leading back out of the canyon. We had chosen to do this hike in the evening. It was a wonderful scramble along mostly dry stream bed.
The canyon snaked back and forth, and was joined by far more side canyons than seemed to be on the map. While the hiking was easy and fun, with a bull frog chorus as the sun got lower, the sun was getting lower, and we needed to find the exit before the deep desert darkness set in.
In the end we found our way out, under a spectacularly back-lit stone bridge as the sun set and dusk came upon us. While we were never in real danger, the uncertainty and approaching darkness made them noticeably harder to make.
Last week I saw a movie called Angel-A about a young man living his life in constant haste, spurred by fear, and making choices that bring him to a literal dead end. An angel enters and forces him to slow down so he can notice his choices, to realize when he is making them and what they really are. At first he resists the idea that he actually has choices; he's just doing what is necessary, even if half of Paris is out to kill him.
Our life unfolds based on the choices we make, but living in fear, or haste, we may not realize we are making them. When we choose not to choose that is also a choice and slowing in freeze mode is at the other end of the same spectrum. Some choices are hard to even notice. It is said that our lives are formed by the things we don't see, or choose not to look at.
Like the young man we may believe we "don't have a choice". This stance robs us of our power. Even when we choose things that we don't like or really want, we are choosing (perhaps the best choice at the time) but if we don't own that choice as a choice how can we ever get to a place where we can choose differently? If you own your choices, even the unwilling ones, as choices, you begin to empower your ability to choose. Empowering choice in your life, you will discover better options. The young man in his power finds totally new choices which transform his life.
Most of our hike the rock walls told us where to go. Occasionally there were branches and possible alternate routes. If we had been too fearful, or hurried, we might have wound up in a side channel along way from a real exit. Slowing and trusting, we found the proper route and were led up and out, to a level with the choices of safety and warmth we sought.
You don't have to like all your choices, but owning them as your's, no matter how much they look like some form of external necessity, you claim your power to choose. You stop being a victim and wake up to a different world with power and choice and begin to co-create a life that works for you.

for my son, who is better at trusting than I am

(© 6/11)

RITUALS AND MASTERY

The natural world we live in is a mixture of order and chaos, the predictable, and the unpredictable. We know that the seasons will cycle, but every year they are also different. We know that the Spring brings rain and snow melt, but the level of flooding is unpredictable. In the midst of a variable world, we are wired by evolution to seek out the orderly, the predictable, the stable, that which is consistent so that we can have some certainty of surviving tomorrow as well as today.

Our need for regularity and predictability leads to rituals of all types. They both embody these qualities and serve to help create them. In this sense any regularly performed series of actions is a ritual. Some are small and personal; how we wake up in the morning and brush our teeth, have a cup of coffee or tea. Some are large and collective; the schedule for irrigation waters in the spring or the nine to five job which results in a paycheck on a regular basis. Some are spiritual or religious; the blessing of a new building, dances for rain, a collective service of worship, or a personal meditation.

All of these activities serve to create or embody stability, regularize our relationship with the world around us, natural and human; to promote survival and a sense of safety. Humans are nothing but inventive and we all have our rituals, large and small.

The interesting question about rituals is when do they serve our spiritual needs and are they sometimes a limitation, something done for their own sake, powered by the deep need for safety and survival but unconscious, habitual, perhaps even counter-productive? The 2 martini lunch was once seen as a normal social/business ritual, but now it is more often the sign of the dependancy of the alcoholic.

Do you work the job because it allows you to live the life you choose, or because you feel you have to have a job and can't live without one? Do you wash your hands because it centers you and prepares you to eat a healthy meal, or because some unconscious belief won't allow you not to? Do your rituals help you find an appropriate state of mind before performing artistically, or in sports, or are they compulsions that you can't choose to skip?

In short; are your rituals an expression of, and an aid to, your mastery of your life, or have they mastered you? This discernment can be as uncertain and variable as the spring weather. Some are socially sanctioned and some are not, but this is not the same as which ones are healthy and productive, and which ones are controlling and destructive.

Take some time this Spring to consider your rituals, especially that ones that you haven't thought of in those terms before. Give yourself permission to be conscious about them; to drop or alter old ones that limit or control you; to create or adopt new ones that empower, inspire or connect you. Notice which ones are based in fear and are mastering you and open to ones that are based in gratitude and love, supporting your mastery and joy.

(© 6/11)

OF SQUIRRELS AND SEEDLINGS

On a recent sunny spring afternoon I went for a walk with a friend. The deep blue of the mountain sky was highlighting the fresh green of the new leaves. A warm day full of life, and fat squirrels. One of these in particular we encountered carrying a huge piece of bread almost as large as he was. Part of a hoagie roll perhaps? My first thought was, look at the abundance of that squirrel. The squirrel was alternately stopping to eat, and carrying his bread across the grass looking for a tree. But though the bread was light and not heavy to carry, it seemed to be too bulky to climb into the safety of one of the trees. Climbing with his prize was apparently too much of a good thing.

The next act involved a large crow sidling over towards the squirrel, attracted by the bread. The squirrel retreated around the base of a tree, not wanting to share, even though he has more than he really knows what to do with. All the while continuing to feed. I have to wonder how much of this he can eat anyway? After a bit of a dance the crow seems to loose interest and moves on.

Perhaps you have recently planted your garden? How many seeds did you use? Did you plant just a few and spread them out, or scatter the whole pack knowing that you'll have to thin them later? If they are to become large and healthy plants they will need space to grow into, or be overwhelmed as they all start to grow at once.
How often to we start six projects and get lost in them as they grow, crowding each other out in the gardens of our lives.

How much or how many really serves us? When is it better take a piece and leave the rest; to have faith that the few seeds will grow into healthy plants; or to prune and thin and give some things away? We can follow the instincts of the squirrel and the programming of society, or we can feel into ourselves and find a different level of purpose that goes deeper than survival, that allows us to ask, what really serves? when is it enough? which plants do I keep in the garden and which do I move or give away?

In this modern world we are taught to always be busy, always productive. The mind becomes restless with open space or empty time. But it is only with these that the creations that serve us, or express our being, can grow and flourish, can be properly appreciated and enjoyed. Abundance that is so large we can't carry it defeats the purpose. Abundance that is so many that none have space to flourish also defeats the purpose. Diving deep allow your heart to say enough, or to choose the few that can joyfully thrive and support you. Give your self time and space to focus, trust, and enjoy.

(© 5/11)

GROUNDING YOUR BLISS

Sitting in a sacred space in the earth, I am reminded in my minds eye of a picture of my soul floating in its own space individuated from the world that I live in, letting go of the chaos of the world and diving within to find the connection to spirit and source that has been arising more and more this year.

The offering this afternoon is another step. The energies of the earth show how they can help me to ground my individuated spiritual essence into the greater web of spirit in the world. It is a way to walk in the world without getting tangled in the dramas, to have my space both as spirit and as a human being. They are showing me that we need to ground the bliss of spiritual connection into the manifest world. I know it will be shown to me if I am open to listening.

A day later I realize that there is an opportunity unfolding for me to take up a long standing invitation and drive out to visit a friend in Moab. Two days later I drive west. A friend of a friend guides me to a place that I can be alone in the nearby canyons and on day three I set off with a rough map scribbled on a scrap of paper.

Parking among the mountain bikers at a major trailhead, but walking off in a different direction, I take a short trail along a wash up between high cliffs of red stone. Drawn off the main path I explore a circular space, with cliffs towering above, climbing back and up until I am under the overhangs as far as I can go. Sitting there to do a small ceremony to open to the energies all around me, I realize that although I am above ground, I am surrounded by the red rock. I can feel the vibration of this rock, of the earth, and know that this is at least part of what the earth beings had wanted me to do. So I sit, grounding, releasing, opening to being in this place.

I spend hours in these rock formations, climbing higher on the original path, until I am sitting on top of a huge earth sculpture of rounded stone. No people, just the earth, wearing, cleaving, falling and crumbling down the years. Slowly I know that the matrices of the rock around me are aligning me, clearing me, helping me to embody what I had seen. As the fear comes up the wind blows it away.

Now I'm back in Boulder, bringing something with me. You will probably have a different way to do this, but the earth will help you to find out how to ground your spiritual bliss into the body so you can walk it in the world, in your day to day life. All you have to do is ask, open, quiet the mind, and listen with your being. Between the call and the response you will find the way, allowing it to unfold as you go.

You connect to spirit and find your space and your bliss, not to escape this world, but to have a place to stand so you can bring that essence and bliss back into the world, finding balance and joy in the web of life. We do this for ourselves, but also for the planet and for our community.

With blessings and gratitude.

(© 5/11)[read the full article @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/groundbliss/ ]

LOOKING FOR ANSWERS

When you come up against something in life which brings up the energy of "I don't know", what happens? how do you respond?

We all have various strategies for handling these situations, even if it is to deny that they happen to us. If someone asks you where to get a good pizza, you might get out the phone book, or look up pizza on-line. If you are a pizza lover you might have the answer already in mind. You already know that you know. This is worldly or external certainty. Some people might go inside and intuitively find an answer there. They know that they know even when they don't know. This is inner certainty.

Perhaps you are looking for a good automechanic, ie, both capable and reasonably priced. The stakes are higher and the process of looking is probably more complex and feels less certain or riskier. You are likely to ask friends or seek personal recommendations of some sort. You may use your intuition to screen these recommendations, but the noise from the ego, worried about the consequences of a wrong answer will make it more challenging to hear yourself clearly.

When we are in the place of "I don't know" we often invalidate ourselves. There is a voice that says, but you should know, what's wrong with you, etc. There is fear about a wrong answer, anxiety about what happens if you make the wrong choice, and the mind is off to the races. The mind's job is to know the answer, and the more important the answer is the more invalidated and fearful it will be if it doesn't.

When you are in the place of "I don't know", if it brings up doubt, fear, or invalidation, you are vulnerable. Lots of people will offer answers, and they are almost always carrying more invalidation. This may be obvious and harsh, or kindly and subtle, but in any case they reinforce the belief that we are not enough in some sense, that others are better, know more, or are more capable.

You can go to the place of "I don't know" and be OK there! be fearless, neutral, certain in a deeper way. We are taught that certainty is external, in knowing the answers, ego certainty. There is a deeper certainty of the soul that knows we are alright even when, for the moment, we are without answers and "don't know".

The larger the life issue, the harder it is to be neutral. If you ask the world for answers you'll get lots of them: other people's answers, which may or may not be yours, and mostly come with at least implicit invalidation. Try my answer; do it this way; I know better. You are even more lost, off balance and out of your center.

In the place of "I don't know", find yourself first; drop into your heart, know that you are OK, calm the paniced ego, know that you do know your answers, and ask what they are and where they are. Be open then to how they show up, but without fear and you will find them cleanly and with clear discrimination. When you can validate yourself in the midst of external uncertainty you are cultivating your internal certainty. These days we all need as much of that as we can remember. It is a much better place to find answers from.

(© 4/11)[read the full article @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/lookanswers/ ]

CHANGING TIME

I was told many years ago that there is no time and space in Spirit. This means that working on the level of spirit things can be done easily and swiftly. Being able to step out of the physical beliefs and limitations and work energetically can therefore be powerful and effective. The body, living in the 3-D world, obeys somewhat different rules. It takes longer to process, integrate, and manifest.

As with most things in life there are both benefits and cautions in working between these two levels. In history, and for most of us, our awareness of them is kept separate. We have experiences of stepping back and forth, which can be practiced and enhanced, but we are usually aware of one at a time and transition between them more or less gracefully.

It seems that this is all changing. The much discussed "End of Time" is not about the "End of the World" in a cataclysmic sense, or even just the rolling over of a calendar from one age to the next. It is a reference to changes in our experience of what we call time, or the lack of it.

As we pass Equinox and head into Spring, I realize I am still bracing for a winter that is already over. And yet the Solstice was a "long" time ago. Holding these both at the same time is the "end of time": the timeless state that we know as spirits, where yesterday and last year are all present right now.

Our changing experience of time parallels the widespread experience so many of us are having that we are both Spirit and Human simultaneously. As we move more into this dual awareness of both levels of our being, part of the global transition, the timelessness of Spirit is overlapping our accustomed linear egoic sense of time.

The sun still rises and sets, the Earth moves around the sun. The calendar and clock are still there if we choose to use them. Our personal human aspect still moves through linear time. But we are also aware of the timeless, of all times. The "moment" is no longer a single moment in linear time, but open to the presence of all moments at once.

While disorienting to the ego, this is that way your spirit has always existed and relaxing into Spirit you know how to be this way. Just as we are learning to integrate our awareness of our spiritual Selves with that of our egoic self, and walk that spiritual awareness in the world, we are also learning to integrate a different relationship to what we have know as time and space.

So if you are having strange experiences of time, or even space, know that this is not a problem, but an effect of the growth and expanding awareness that we are all going through on the planet. Keep breathing, remember to "notice what you notice", be a bit amused, and perhaps wonder what interesting effects will show up next. Trusting Spirit and your spiritual Self to guide you into a new way of being in the world. Receiving these new experiences with the joy and wonder of the soul inside you, you step forward in your evolutionary transformation.

(© 4/11)[read the full article @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/spirittime/ ]

LEVELS OF BEING AND PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

As spiritual beings living in a human body we exist on many levels at the same time. Our human conscious awareness generally focuses on one level at a time, most often the physical, emotional and mental levels of our individual personality. On special occasions, we shift to being aware of our larger, spiritual Self. These times of expanded consciousness are our "peak" experiences; in nature, in sports, making love, under extreme, or relaxed circumstances of all kinds.

Actually all the levels are there all the time. Your higher Self has always been there, and your emotional body is always doing its thing. It is rather your attention and awareness that moves back and forth from one level to the other. Learning to change the level of your awareness consciously is one of the goals of many spiritual traditions. These days the global process we are all engaged in is allowing, or even pushing, us into the expanded states more often.

One of the most important things to remember is that on different levels the rules are different. As spiritual beings, the levels of your essential Self, higher Self, etc. you are connected to everything. You are vast and limitless. The "higher" up you go, the more so. Tapping into this and living your life from this core of Self is what we are learning to allow to happen.

As the heat in the external world keeps cranking up, our minds are too small and limited to handle the "chaos" around us. While our spiritual self is limitless and connected, our personality, body/emotions/lower mind self is not. On these levels we are limited, finite, and have boundaries. This is necessary and appropriate.

We are both vast and infinite souls and small and finite personalities. The former is connected to all that is, the later has a boundary. You exist on both levels and your awareness can (and more frequently is) going back and forth between them. It is very important to learn which level you are working on at a given time, or in a given situation.

If you try to be infinite while in personal awareness you can overwhelm your personal self. This is not the level to heal the world from. If you have been working as a spirit on the astral while asleep or in meditation, be sure to give yourself permission to fully return to your personal self when you wake up. Use your intention to shift the ground rules when you come back.

Setting your personal space, with your own self is on the inside and the rest of the world is on the outside, while remembering your connection to deep self and Spirit on the inside, you can then begin to consciously engage the world as a personal human without losing yourself in it. This is increasingly important to remember and practice routinely, as the pace of change in the world quickens. Know which level you are operating on and which rules apply there.

On the personal level; let go of the flow, find your Self, trust that higher levels of you know what you need to know even when the personal mind is confused or uncertain; this is the path forward that we are all learning to walk in a new way.

(© 3/11)[read the full article @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/levels/ ]

INNER BALANCE

I did a reading once for a person who was studying martial arts and wanted to find balance. As we moved through the reading two things became clear. First that she had a concept of balance as a single point, a place to stand where she would be balanced once and for all. The second was that in this manifest world balance is dynamic, constantly moving and changing.

Bring to mind your experiences playing on a see-saw. Two people move in or out until they are balanced around the central pivot. Now imagine that you are standing on the see-saw, one foot on either side, balancing across the pivot. Only in the world the pivot isn't standing still, it moves; back and forth, up and down. If you have ever stood on a moving train or subway you know the feeling. As the floor moves under you, balancing is an ongoing process of feeling into the movement and adjusting each moment.

In this relative world the yin and the yang are always flowing, evolving, changing back and forth into each other. Life is not a store window display, but a dance. Furthermore, the mind is constantly reaching out to engage the people and things around us. Each time it reaches out, or backs away, we loose our balance, pulled this way and that by attraction and resistance.

The Sufis whirl to let go of the world and find their center, that inner balance point; which is the only place to be and not get dizzy and fall down. If you have ever focused on an outstretched thumb while spinning around; standing still while the world moves around you, there is no dizziness. When you stop unless you go inside and find the deep stillness you will fall over.

Where is the balance point within? that deep still place that simply is? Inside of the inner whirl of emotions and thoughts, there is a fixed balance point after all. The spiritual part of you that exists in unity, beyond time and space, without the flow of yin and yang, the pull of the mind and the emotions. Reach inwards for it, drop down into it. If you don't know where it is, ask your Self, then wait and listen. Feel the swirl of the world, of the mind, of your emotions, and then make space in the center for your Self to be present. Standing there the world moves about you and you express yourself through a dynamic outer balance, but always grounded in that inner place.

Last week I wondered why, as I wake up in the morning, I don't take the time to feel into this inner place, to find myself and ask: how am I today? who am I today? Instead I let my mind fill up with todo lists, trying to find the external balance among all the things swirling around me in my life, but already I am off balance, lost in the push and pull of the ten thousand things. So I am letting myself take some time now to feel into myself, to give it space first, before I engage the todo lists and the rest of the world.

When you are in that deep internal balance of being, the dance of external dynamic balance flows naturally for you. Enjoy the dance.

(© 3/11)

LETTING GO

In Aikido there is a practice called rondori, in which multiple attackers come at you from all directions, over and over. Some days life feels like that. Whether the things that show up are opportunities, challenges, or just there, it can feel a bit overwhelming, and once you get behind its hard to catch up. In rondori part of the practice is to select your opponents in an order that works for you, taking enough initiative to control the flow rather than simply reacting. Sometimes we can also do this in life, until that one thing shows up from your blind spot and throws you on your ear.

The egoic mind in its sense of isolation feels like this, that it must be always watching, anticipating, controlling, or it will get rolled under. This is a pretty tiring way to live your life. Between being alert and not getting down time we get worn out. You want to take a break, but the mind worries that when you take your eye off things something will pop up and bite you, or things might just fall apart when left on their own.

Spiritually we know that we live not as isolated egos creating and maintaining our world for our safety and survival, but as souls that are part of the web of life. No man is an island. We are a part of a larger whole. If we take a nap, the world is still there. If we take a vacation the world carries on. Our family and co-workers can usually be trusted to keep things going until we get back. Not everything has to be done right now, but will often keep until tomorrow. In fact letting things wait often allows time for them to resolve on their own, or for someone else to step up to handle them, or for the perfect piece of information to show up that shifts the whole matter.

Remembering that we are not alone, but part of an organic sentient web of life we can cultivate trust; trust the universe, trust spirit, trust our dance partners that we can step out for a bit and not have the whole world come down around our ears. Feeling the force we stop thinking and know what we need to do and the flow of the rondori is effortless. Trust that your higher self can see which things you really need to work with, and in what order, and know that if you miss one piece someone else will pick it up.

Allowing yourself to let go of the swirling world around you, you can find yourself; not as a reflection of all the things on your to do lists, but shining out from your own interior. Dropping into yourself you refresh, retune and learn how to express your soul in your piece of the weaving. Living from spirit you avoid being overwhelmed; breathing in and out, into Self and out into the world, you are centered and the rondori flows. May you find the grace to trust the rest of the universe enough to let go and find yourself.

(© 2/11)

BENEATH EXCITEMENT

Have you ever had the experience of wanting something and being anxious about it showing up. When it comes in sight, you become excited only to have it fade away again? It might have been a job, a house, a relationship. Perhaps you got what you wanted, only to have the excitement fade over time and the anxiety return. This time it went well, but what about next time?

Several years ago after a past life regression session that had gone well, I felt the need to relax and ground. I went for a walk along Boulder Creek. Standing on one of the bridges over the creek, looking down into the water I felt myself drop into a deep calm place inside. The level of ego or mind that experiences excitement was quiet and I felt myself standing in a place of certainty, of graceful being.

I knew that being excited over something that had gone well was the other end of the polarity that feared it might not. Excitement, as I usually experience it, is only the relief that something feared has not happened. Standing on the bridge I was in a deeper place underneath the excitement, and the fear, where neither one existed, and out of which they both arise; as the waves on the surface of a lake disturbed by the wind.

In walking a spiritual path we learn to step out of, or into, our fears. To work through them, expand beyond them, let them go, or give them space. We know that when they arise we can loose our sense of self, our balance and our space, and we slowly learn how to gain these back again. We may learn how fear can block our hopes, our ability to manifest or to receive, but what about our excitement?

When we get what we want, it seems a natural thing to become excited. It is good to have gratitude, to validate oneself, to find joy and happiness. But the excitement of the ego is none of these. It is just as ungrounded as the anxiety out of which it grows. It takes us out of the present and into the future, planning what comes next, how all our dreams will grow out of one accomplishment. Taking you out of your center excitement takes you out of your power. It is not sustainable, and the dream can fade again. Like Icarus we fly high into the Sun only to melt and crash back to Earth.

The next time you feel the excitement of accomplishment, check in to see if you are relating to it from that deep place inside, where you are already certain and whole. Have gratitude and validate yourself. If you find the nervous energy of adrenal driven excitement, breath deep and drop back into your Self. Call in joy and certainty and finish manifesting your dream from that space, before you have drifted away on the winds of ego imaginings and loose your dream as well as your Self.

(© 2/11)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/beneathexcite/ ]

HEALING OURSELVES

Healing a scraped knee is fairly straight forward. You wash it off, clean out any foreign matter that has gotten into it, then you do things that transform the damaged flesh back into wholeness and health. On the physical level it is generally clear what is part of you and what is not. You remove one; transform and reintegrate the other.

Emotionally and energetically this distinction may be harder, as the intermingling of your energy and someone else's may be harder to resolve. However, the principle is the same. When something comes up for healing we need to check whose it is, because we must work differently with our energies and those that come originally from someone else.

This is due to the simple truth that we can never heal someone else's energetic injuries. We can support them while they do so, provide a container, tools or information, moral support or other assistance, but in the end they must do their own work.

It seems that this is a natural human tendency, especially in relation to those we love. We take on their pain, hurt, emotions and other energies, but then we are stuck with them. We cannot heal or transform these received energies, because they are not ours. We can on the other hand release them, through Source, or the Earth, so they go home in a neutral form.

On the other hand the stuck things that are ours, including our own emotions around things we've taken on from others, we can't just toss aside when we find them. This would be like tossing your knee away when you scrapped it. Not that we don't try to do this; to bury things, deny them or throw them away. However on the energetic levels it will always come back home, like Marley's chain clanking after him. It is a part of our energy, of who we are, so we can't just lose it.

The idea that you may want your old anger or grief is a little strange at first, remember that this is part of your life force, your energy. While the flavor might not suite you, once it is transmuted you can use it any way you like, as strength, joy, love. In the end it is this alchemical work of transforming and transmuting our own stuck energies that is our human homework. It gives us back our power and selves, integrated and whole.

Because of instinctual tendencies we spend our time trying to heal other people's stuff, which we can't, while ignoring or denying our own, which is what we can do something about. If there wasn't so much pain in this, it would be funny. But, like your skinned knee, it's important to explore any energies that arise in your space and ask for discernment as to what is really yours, which must be transformed and transmuted; and what is not, which can be returned cleanly.

It is in owning our own healing and in supporting each other to do this work for ourselves, that we become true healers. Thank you for doing your work, and may you be blessed with all the courage, discrimination, and grace that you can use.

(© 1/11)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/archives/healself/ ]

LIGHTING THE WORLD

On Christmas eve, at a candle lit carol service that mirrored the Solstice ceremony I had been in a few days before, I opened to the Christ energy that we celebrate at this time of year. As it poured into my heart I closed my eyes and took a look at the Earth as a whole. It was a display of light that was more impressive than even the most gloriously overdone Christmas house. Billions of human beings focusing on love and hope, calling in Christ, and the space around the Earth full of angels and light flooding in in response. Pretty impressive when we all come together in shared purpose and community.

On New Year's day I took a look at the Earth going forward into the new year, 2011! It was not quite so brightly lit, but I could see those who hold the light on a regular basis, connecting the Earth and Christ grids with the human heart grid that we have been collectively rebuilding for the last several decades. And then I noticed that even as I watched new lights were appearing!

Day by day there are more and more people waking up, remembering their spiritual selves and plugging consciously into the Light as we are all meant to do. Whenever we choose to hold to the love in our hearts and release the fear in our heads and guts; we do this. Whenever we reach out and connect to our fellow travelers on spaceship Earth: friends, family, strangers; we do this. Saying yes to living in love and joy, hope and belief, we plug into the world wide grids of our fellows.

If you ever have a chance to hold hands in a circle, and then lean back, until the arms are tight, and you feel yourself literally supported by your community. The web of light we are building is like this, relax into it and it has your back. Beyond the human realms, angels and guides are there as well. The web of Spirit is woven through everything, and we are remembering this connection, our place in this web. The more of us who move through the fear and open to our own light, the easier it becomes for everyone to follow.

So thank you for being a part of my circle, a part of the web that is shifting the paradigms on planet Earth. It is going to be a brighter year, and one rich in new joy and love in proportion to the old releases of fear and despair. The more of your human homework yoU complete the easier it becomes for all of us, as well as for you. Thank you for this as well.

Many Blessings for this new year. Its going to be an exciting journey. In gratitude, Alan

(© 12/10)