RAISING BARNS

Last fall, the day the stock market first tanked, I woke up and went on line to do my daily check-in with the rest of the world. Reading the news I could feel the part of me that worries about my financial well being wake up and prepare to be anxious. I was going to see a counselor I work with that afternoon and figured that this was a good set up to clear more old fear and re-task the part of me that worries about not being supported by the universe. As we start I've learned to always check in with myself to see what is actually present in the moment, even though I "knew" what was up. So I closed my eyes, grounded, and checked in, expecting to find anxiety.
Whoa! where did all this joy and excitement come from? Leaning into it I could feel that there was a huge positive field of energy that I was tapping into. I felt it more than once last fall, especially around the election, it is always there for us, the background love that is Spirit fed by all those who resonate with joy and hope. We just need to align and open to it. Try it now.
Last weekend I was helping a friend with a fund raiser for amazing work he does connecting kids with healthy food and experiences of growing, harvesting, preparing and eating it. Many people contributed a great deal of time and energy to creating this wonderful event: fun, filled with the Spirit my friend always works with, and centered around a positive community oriented project. It was a long evening, especially clean-up and tear-down, and I stayed late supporting my friend and moving boxes. Well after midnight someone asked why I didn't go home? I realized that I wasn't tired, I was full of energy, even though I had been doing things that normally would tire me or aggravate physical stress points, none of this had showed up.
Other people that night were also feeling connected to something larger and feeling Spirit supporting them. The community was working under the spiritual energy of this wonderful project, we were feeding that field, which in turn was supporting us as we worked late under a frosty moon. Joyful service nurtures itself.
The next night I was in a different community, supporting women graduating from a year of deep ceremonial work. I was part of a ring of masculine energy holding space for the ladies to do their last piece of work for the year. As we walked in the snow outside I could feel the energy of those physically present, of all the men who had walked that circle in other years, supporting other women, and of the spiritual forces that held the space for all of us, men
and women. Even though the night was cold this energy warmed us, and we felt our place in the larger web.
When those on the inside later expressed thanks for our service, my thought was that it was not only an honor, but something that fed and nurtured us. Service to a community acting in tune with Spirit in this way is not a hardship but a blessing. Whether the service is explicitly spiritual or more mundane, there are spiritual energies that support community and collective endeavor, that make the "work" lighter, the night warmer, the day cooler.
In past times communities had barn raisings, which must have had the same feeling. Serving community with an awareness that you are aligning with Spirit, connects you to the spiritual energy of that community, and the fields of joy and nourishing support that are woven about this world. So in these holy days, if you are feeling at all disconnected, find an event or a project to contribute to, to co-create, or to serve. Coming together with family or friends, remember that it is the coming together itself that is the source of the joy and excitement that feeds our souls and sustains our bodies.
May you experience deeply the weaving of the fabric of community that invites Spirit to enter into your life.

(© 12/09)

MEDITATION ON STARS AND ATOMS

Start this trip with the starry night sky. Remember the last time you looked at a clear sky full of stars. Have you ever tried to imagine how much space there is out there? How far apart the stars are? I doubt we really can, but its as good a feeling for spaciousness as you're likely to run into.
Here on earth we know that we are solid beings, at least much more solid than the vastness of interstellar space. Or are we?
Last week I was inspired to briefly take my astronomer's cap off the wall and play with a few numbers. If you imagine that the sun is the nucleus of an atom, how far out in the solar system would the edge of that atom be? It turns out that even the densest atom (uranium) would be several times the size of Pluto's orbit, and the most spacious atom (hydrogen) would be 15 times Pluto's orbit.
So the atoms in our body are relatively more spacious than the solar system! So we are actually full of space. Take your vision of the stars and project it inwards. Feel the expansiveness of this. Keep breathing.

Actually both "outer space" and inner space are full of stuff. Outer space has thin gases, comets and magnetic fields in it, and our atoms are "full" of electrons. You might think of these later as comets whizzing around (they are actually slightly smaller)*. In a real way there is as much or more "space" in our bodies as in the solar system. So now I thought, looking at some glorious Hubble images**, what about the galaxy?




After all there are more cells in our body than stars in the Milky Way, which is a number that is on the order of the national debt! In other words, mind numbingly large. In terms of atoms, there are actually more atoms in your body than stars in the Universe!*** but lets stick with the galaxy for now, which is something we can at least pretend we can imagine.



It turns out that the distance to the nearest star is roughly the same scale as the size of a hydrogen atom. The interstellar distance in the center of the galaxy, is similar to the size of a uranium atom. So stars in the galaxy are a reasonable analogy to the spacing of atoms in your cells.
We are back with the night sky, but as a reflection of you. Take a moment to really feel your body as a galaxy. Imagine the stars and the space. As above, so below.


There is that much space, or vacuum inside us! Space which is full of infinite energy, infinite creative potential. In quantum physics the vacuum is a sea of virtual particles popping in and out of existence very rapidly. Metaphysically the void is the gateway to consciousness and the creative potential of the universe.
Just imagine that all the physical space inside you is room for your spiritual self and Spirit to play, create, and heal. You are mostly full of consciousness and spirit! Don't think about this, just invoke it, remember an image of the galaxy and feel that inside yourself. Let the knowing of this well up from your body and your soul. Notice what arises for you in this spaciousness. Appreciate the amazing vastness and complexity of your own being, powerfully alive with life force and Spirit.
In this season of "darkness", we remember and rebirth the light. But it is right here inside each of us all the time. Happy Holidays!

*All cosmic, particle analogies are, just that. Things operate quite differently at atomic scales, but the general point about scales is not altered.
** The Galactic Core
***Deep Space Galaxies, video

(© 12/09)

UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER

I once lived in Tokyo. One day after I'd been there a while I went to a store looking for a light bulb. The lady taking care of the store had trouble understanding what I wanted. This was not because I didn't know the correct words, as I had learned enough Japanese to be sure of that. I didn't think it was even my accent. After repeating myself many times I came to realize that she just couldn't imagine that someone who wasn't Japanese could be speaking to her in Japanese. She wasn't trying to understand someone who her beliefs told her was inherently incomprehensible.

On the other end of the spectrum is the general human tendency to assume that other people that appear the same as we do, who speak the same language, are generally the same as we are. They think the same things, they feel the same feelings, and it is therefore safe to assume that we can project our experiences onto them and know who they are. We think we understand them until they do something different and become suddenly unpredictable, foreign, strange.

As is usually the case, truth is fluid and lies somewhere in the middle. We are all unique human beings, with unique experiences, unique personal libraries of experience that lead to unique languages. If you ever doubt this watch two people speaking your native tongue, who come from countries, that have different languages. You will see them misunderstand different words meaning the same thing, or the same words meaning two different things.

Its not a mystery that we sometimes misunderstand, its more a wonder that we ever understand each other. We don't have to be from different countries, or different classes, or different genders, we're all human beings and that's enough.

Communication is challenging, it requires good intention and the awareness that there is always a level of translation going on. If we are not paying attention, either because we think its impossible, or we assume its trivial, we are likely to miss things.

You might say that if everyone is different, and if many things can never be truly spoken, that I can never really understand another person. How many of us even understand ourselves? But with good intention and practice we can learn to understand ourselves and we can learn to understand each other. Especially if we cooperate.

There are other levels we can learn to communicate on, feeling and intuition. We can look for the intention and feeling behind the words. When you begin to experience language as a series of sign posts pointing to the meaning and intention behind them you can even begin to "see" or "feel" the meaning directly.

We live in the middle ground of imperfect understanding, of ourselves and others. We can choose to give up or we can choose to move towards understanding. When we do this with ourselves, it yields personal growth, and carries us into our own spirit. With others this also carries us into spirit. The paradox is that if we hold to the extremes we will never understand, even when we think we do, and miss understanding that is there when we believe it impossible. If, however, we assume we are starting with different languages we can choose to co-create a shared one that does give us understanding.

I may never understand the exact nuances of your experience, but when we have the will to understand we can move far through that middle land. The understanding we find may not be the mental understanding that we put into words, but we can come to deeply know ourselves and each other. All it takes is our intention to find the other's intention within their words. When we want to understand, then we can communicate, and this moves us towards understanding. This is ultimately a joyful place and a fascinating journey. I hope you never give up trying.

(© 11/09)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

STARDUST

On a warm evening in summer, under a clear sky I was outdoors looking up at the sky, and turned my attention to how the stars were speaking to me. Opening to feeling how their light was reflected in my body, it seemed to connect to different physical organs and energetic aspects. Wisdom was being offered. A conversation was taking place. Consciously I felt like I was being lovingly tickled.

We are star beings on many levels. All of the atoms in our bodies were forged in the depths of stars, billions of years ago. Released into space by novas and supernovas, and on the great stellar winds flowing outwards from all stars. Swept up and collected into our solar system as it was birthed 5 billion years ago. They now flow through your body, hour by hour, day by day, year by year.

We are powered by Sun light. Sunlight that fuels the whole food chain: from the algae of the oceans, to the wheat in the Midwest, to the animals that eat the plants, it comes to us. We bask in its summer radiance and it warms and nourishes us in the depths of winter.

Forged in the stars and powered by the sun, our bodies house souls that have other spiritual/energetic connections to the beings that we call stars. As I stood conversing with the stars I saw, my being was remembering the stars that I have known in other ways. Both physically and spiritually I am remembering connection, and it feels joyful.

Choose a clear night, be warm for whatever season, and invite the stars to speak to you. Notice that you are surrounded, held on all sides. Dropping into your being open your awareness, as their vibrations flow through you and resonate with your own star nature. They are "speaking" to you of life and being alive. Time to wake up a bit more. Be joyful.

(© 10/09)

SUNSHINE DAYDREAM

Its a beautiful warm summer afternoon. We're in mid October now, so the sun isn't too hot, but the sky is deep blue, with a few clouds drifting through on lite breezes. Since it is October and we've had our first snow already I'm finally up on the roof doing "winterizing" things: draining the swamp cooler, cleaning gutters, trimming low hanging branches, calking leaks.

Pacing myself, I'm enjoying being up in the trees and the sky on such a glorious Huckleberry Finn sort of day. Slowly anxiety and tension that built up earlier in the day fades.

When I'm done I lay in the roof, looking over trees tops to a view of the mountains and the flatirons. The warmth of the shingles soaks through my shirts and relaxes my back. I am drifting, in a timeless space, warm and relaxed. When I read this is "sunshine yellow", a mellow, optimistic, energy of being. You may have heard me mention it.

Watching a white puffy cloud slowly swirling itself east, constantly forming, dissipating, and reforming, I close my eyes and drop into the feeling of this moment. Lazily I start to remember childhood summer days, with this feeling of being in the moment, no past, nothing far in the future, just being. Perhaps wondering what game comes next, or what might be for dinner.

I realize that as an adult I operate in a much broader sense of time. In the back of my head are "to do" lists, planning processes waiting to happen. I'm aware of next week, sometimes next month, or even next year. As a young child even in school, I'm perhaps concerned about assignments for tomorrow, or at the outside events that might be a few weeks ahead (a play, or vacation) .

I can feel the weight of this mental calendar in my head, this energetic matrix in which I exist. It extends backwards too, differently, but its there. All the events, emotions, memories that go into how I approach and experience the present. Many are unconscious, but they are there as well.

Lying on the roof, letting my mind drift like the cloud, the thought comes that perhaps this is why kids have so much more energy? they don't have to maintain this weighty structure of time. They have all their energy in the present, while we are spread over decades. And I realize I can chose this for myself in present time. I can call all of me to be present in this warm moment of being.

So take a few minutes and find a place to relax, in the sun, or a bath, or inside. If you can create a space that evokes your "sunshine yellow" feelings from childhood. Let yourself drift back and remember what its like to release the mental calendar, to just be alive in the moment. Invite your inner child to show you how to do this, and feel yourself come more alive.

No reasoning necessary, just do it because you can, and as a soul you are meant to.

(© 10/09)

WHICH VOICES DO YOU LISTEN TO?

When you're listening to the radio and something comes on that you don't like, you change the station. Maybe its a song that doesn't feel good today, or a program, or perhaps (if someone has been playing with your tuner) a whole station. But you make a choice and find something that you like.

How many channels do we have on the TV now? Often we don't even wait for one thing to end before we change the channel, or you skip the commercials by watching bits and pieces of another show. You have a remote, you know how to choose.

Going on line, you find 86 emails. Some you trash immediately, others you might look at briefly and then ditch, or file for later, a few you may want to read right now. You make choices about what serves you.

Consider the people in your life. How many, and how varied are these voices? Do you make choices about which ones you listen to? Do you notice which ones serve you? You probably wish you had a remote for some of them. Others you may feel you have to listen to, though even there you do have a choice. You know the difference between listening and paying attention, only, even when we think we are not paying attention these voices are going into our brains.

Voices that we have listened to over and over, we internalize. They come back to us, sometimes supporting us, but often critically. There may be many reasons we have internalized and still listen to critical voices, but they are never truth, they are mostly not really aspects of ourselves, and we can make choices with these too.

We can choose not to be around people who speak in ways that limit us. We can choose to disregard what these people say when we do have to be around them, or we may learn that we can ask them to change their station. Most importantly we can consciously pay attention to which voices we listen to and give our attention and belief to, both out side and inside. With awareness comes choice.

This may take practice, especially if the voices are old(young) ones. Patience is important, and self-forgiveness. There may be deep psychological, even evolutionary reasons we tend to notice even one critical voice among a group of supportive voices. But we can still make a conscious choice and over time it will stick.

I'm not speaking about constructive criticism, but words that limit our being, that tell us we are not OK in some basic way. These are never truth. The truth is that at center, you are a soul that is perfect and beautiful. This soul has its own voice, which is always supportive, even when suggesting changes. You know it when you experience it.

Amid the cacophony of voices that we walk through everyday, it may be hard to hear this deep inner voice. But we can recognize those voices around us that echo it and choose these. We can choose to give our attention and belief to these. Over time the supportive voices around us will strengthen the internal voices that echo our soul, that inspire us and give us life. We can learn to choose these, and release the old critical voices, that were never ours.

You can choose to listen to all the voices that say "Yes, you can", rather than "No, you can't", and they will help you find your inner voice that knows "Yes, I am".

(© 10/09)

THE GLASS IS HALF FULL

In the sciences I was trained to identify the problem and solve it. This type of thinking runs throughout western culture in general; medicine, engineering, raising kids, or even dealing with ourselves. It takes the form of "if only I can figure out what's wrong with X and fix it, then it will all be OK".

We know consciously this isn't true, but the programming is deep and pervasive, much of it being absorbed subconsciously. Some of it comes overtly (as in schools), but much of it comes in the form of how everyone around us is doing things. It just is.

The subtle effect of this is that we focus on problems, often ignoring potential answers. The glass tends to be always half empty rather than half full. There is a valuable place for problem solving and the skills that go with it. It can be a place of creativity and genius. But if our focus is too heavily there, if our instinctual patterns are to look for problems then we will find them. Perhaps even create them.

I have seen this in myself, even when I am supportive of something I may fall into critiquing it. High school english anyone? Isn't it preferable to change our default to one of appreciation? It is vitally important that we never forget what is going right, what we already know, those things that make the glass half full.

When you are trying to manifest something, by growth or change, why not start from places of strength? Are there places in your life where it already exists?

Perhaps you are wanting to relax more at work, to bring in more joy and amusement. This can be challenging as workplaces are often not set for these energies. But there are probably other areas of your life where you have joy and amusement, where you can play and relax. Or there are people in your life that know how to do this. These are your resources. Identify these and build on them. Remember the feelings you want and then invite them into your workplace.

Perhaps this reflex problem solving is even genetic, a primitive survival mechanism, but it is not inevitable and we can choose to put it aside when its not necessary or useful. We simply have to train ourselves to remember that we have a different choice we can make.

The same thing goes for group and social projects or situations. Perhaps its just easier to list the faults and weaknesses? But to what extent is this really useful, especially if we neglect to list the strengths and positives. Perhaps these are not as "obvious", but take a little time to invite them to appear. Appreciate what is already there to work with. Releasing expectations about what it should be and seeing what it is can shift things powerfully.

In our personal lives this is the same issue as shifting from "Who am I supposed to be?" to "Who am I already, deeply, in my soul?" We know which of those questions is more likely to bare the fruit we all seek. Remember to remember that in Spirit you are always full.

To move beyond dreams and into action, we must claim the positives for ourselves, about ourselves, about all the aspects of our lives. Then we can have the inspiration, the energy and resources to manifest our dreams, bit by bit, walking forward with each other.

This is the time, the game is afoot, but choosing love and hope over fear and doubt is something we have to remember to remember over and over, until the old habits are worn away.

May you appreciate the shining brilliance of your half-full glasses, there you will find the resources to fill them to overflowing.

(© 09/09)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

WALKING THROUGH FEAR

Courage is not being fearless, it is acknowledging your fear walking ahead anyway.

When I was in graduate school homework usually consisted of problem sets. Sometimes I would procrastinate one as long as I could. The longer I waited the more the fear would build up and the less I wanted to get started. Even though I might suspect that it wasn't going to be a really big deal, the fear would keep me from even checking to see if it was going to be relatively simple, or take up half a weekend.

Often when I did finally get around to it, it would be pretty straight forward, and I would realize that most of the fear had little to do with the problem set itself. When we begin to fear something the fear builds on itself until there is a huge wall to even looking at it. In chemistry or physics this is called a potential barrier.

These potential barriers can also happen in doing our inner work. Sometimes there is a big charge and things are intense. It takes courage to forge ahead. Other times when we do finally create, or find, a space to tackle something it turns out to be a much smaller deal than our fears had built it up to be. We find that we are pleasantly relieved and full of the life force that no longer needs to hang out as fear.

Other times it is a long process, which can be challenging and our courage comes into play in the long run rather than just in the first steps. But often those first steps are the still the hardest.

In any case, doing our inner work rewards us with more space to be present as a soul having a human experience in the present, rather than being stuck in some part of our past. We have more life force and joy, more rest and peace. Our courage, in short, or over time, carries us through our fear and allows us to complete old karma so we can make new choices going forward.

This is a form of warriorship. I want to salute as warriors all of you that are walking some form of spiritual path. These days everything seems to move faster and faster, but take time to honor yourself in your process. Really acknowledge how far you have already come. Thank you for having the courage to walk your path. Whenever any one of us takes a step forward, exercises courage and is rewarded with life energy, the path becomes easier for all of us.

Even if you may feel at times that you haven't any choice. You do. Take your courage and walk through your fear. It is often less than you think, a potential barrier that fades as you step through it. Honor that at some level of your being you are ready to move forward and grow. A little bit, or a large piece, it all adds up.

Lastly remember you are never alone, however much you may feel so. Your spiritual Self is with you, as are Spirit and your angels. And there are more of us than we think, so it's often a friend or acquaintance who comes to support you, or who is grateful for your courage showing them the way.

With gratitude and many blessings, let us link hands and keep stepping forward.

(© 9/09)

THE BLESSING OF A SOUL

A boy is standing in front of an elder. He is being blessed: blessed for stepping into a circle of men, young men, and other boys with courage, honesty, and a sincere desire to find a path to a healthy manhood.

He has spent several days in a space where he is unconditionally accepted for who he is. Accepted as a human being with both gold and shadow. Held in a space where he can begin to release the shadow and lay claim to his gold.

He has shown great courage to dare to open and be himself.

As he looks up at the elder blessing him, his face is open, full of light and wonder. He is being given full permission to be who he deeply is, in his soul. There is no mask, no need for him to hide in any way, and he has responded to that. I am seeing the beauty of his soul directly in his upturned face.

The boy, a journeyman now, turns and is blessed by the whole group, tumultuously and with great joy and love. He is claiming his right to be golden.

The look on the face of this boy is one of the most amazing and inspiring things I have ever seen. And there is more than one boy, there are many.

When I witness this there is no doubt left in my being that we are children of love and light. That our natural inclinations are to shine our light in the world, that this is what we desperately desire and when we are shown a way we will walk through any sort of pain or fear as mighty warriors to claim our souls.

While I have witnessed this with boys and men, it is clearly about all human beings, female as well as male. We need to do this for all our children. And when we do, the world will be changed.

This weekend I have looked at the future and it is glorious.

(© 8/09)

WELCOME HOME

Earlier this week I was working with a friend to check in and clear some emotions running through my space. At one point I was invited to open up to my essential self which was floating over my head. Given permission I did so, just by setting the intention, and shortly could feel it dropping in. This was confirmed by my friend. It was actually quite simple and easy.

Over the last few weeks I've been practicing this, when I need to, or when I remember. Remembering is actually the tough part it seems. Remembering that our essential self is always there, and that opening to it, shifting our awareness a little we are there. There isn't really anything to learn, to discover, to go to. Unless it is learning to relax into this place of openness inside so that our essential self has room to be felt and experienced.

Once you have experienced this a couple times and know that its there, its a matter of remembering and practicing. Building a new muscle.

When I was working with my friend this week, I had the sense of some resistance to connecting to myself. Asking what this was, I got the clear answer that I was scared. Now there are various fears that can come between our experience and our Self, corollaries to what happens if we are large and powerful and bright. How will the world react to us? But this week I felt something else. Part of my lower self was scared of this internal light shining into the dark spaces where I have hidden things I am scared of. The belief seemed to be, that if I turn on the light in these dark "storage rooms" I'll see nasty things and so I'm afraid of being afraid, and resist connecting to my essential self as a result.

Makes sense. However, it was also quite clear that there was a piece missing. The belief ignores the very fact that this light is coming from my higher self. When this light of my soul enters, it doesn't just expose the things in the dark corners, but also brings a great healing power to allow them to resolve, dissolve, and complete. I may feel some of the emotional content while this happens, but from a place of safety and strength, connected to my higher, essential self.

So I can lay to rest these fears that coming home to my Self will only result in more pain, because the very light that reveals my old pains also gives them space to safely be and heal. I am not alone with them anymore, but am fully resourced to allow them to complete.

As your Self drops in, you will no longer be at the same level as when you stored these old things, you will have the resources to unpack and resolve them with compassion and love.

Go forward in joy and faith in Yourself, welcoming yourself home without fear.

(© 07/09)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

OPENING THE HEART

The joy of a wedding opens the heart to grief.
The grief of a funeral opens the heart to love.
In this way we are beaten and forged, our hearts made pure and free.

When we loose someone close to us we grieve. We can choose to let the tears flow, feel the emotions flow; choose to open our hearts rather than close them. Then we experience again the love that we had for the one we have lost, and know that we can still be in relationship spiritually, if not physically.

Sometimes we do this in real time. Sometimes it is at a later time. Making space in ourselves to experience grief we clear space to experience love. Like the Grinch at that mythical Christmas, our heart grows larger.

I was at a wedding recently that generated a powerful field of love and community, opening the heart and soul, like a bird spreading its wings wide in the joy of flight. It was a transformative experience. In the next few days I had levels of old grief come up. The energy of love had opened my heart wider and there was more space for the love that is grief to come forth and heal me as well.

Like Rumi I welcomed this unexpected guest, knowing that the cycle moves back and forth, that experiencing this grief, even though I wasn't even sure what it was about, would in turn open my heart for love even further.

The more we dare to feel, the clearer we become and the more we can feel those things we seek. When we allow ourselves to expand at either end of the spectrum, we expand the whole spectrum, and in time we are freer and freer to choose which end we call home.

Grief is not the enemy of love, but a brother with a different name. If we welcome both as aspects of our ability to live and feel deeply we enlarge our hearts spiritually and there is more space for Spirit to enter in, more space to be alive and present, more space to give and to receive, more space for the energies that are joy and love.

As your heart opens you can "feel" into life more strongly, in yourself, in nature, in others. I invite you to practice this; just intend to open your heart, let your awareness drop into your chest and invite the experience what is already there, gently give it space to be. Or open outward to the trees, the flowers, all of nature is waiting to heal you. We are shifting how we experience this world, and it can help us if we create space to notice our relationship to it.

May you find the joy you seek, remembering that all roads lead to life and love when we walk them with open hearts.

(© 7/09)

AMUSEMENT AND SOUL

I'd like to invite you to remember something amusing. Perhaps something you saw, or did, or heard. Now deepen that feeling, set your intention for a fuller experience of amusement, and let go. Distill it down. Notice the images or words and let them fall like leaves in the autumn. Notice the feelings of amusement, the emotional aspects, releasing any other feelings and flowing to something beyond words.

Feel the laughter, in your throat, in your belly, in your heart. If anything limits your laughter, intend to release it. Stay with the physical experience of amusement, and keep distilling. Let yourself be led into the vibration of amusement that bubbles up out of your very cells. Full of play and joy.

Let that feeling expand in you. Dive deep. Through this portal of amusement you are opening into life force itself. Amusement is the tip of the iceberg of love.

Remember a sight in nature that caused you to be so alive that you laughed out loud; a child playing, something a friend said. You couldn't even say why you laughed, and you knew that it didn't matter why, just that you felt alive and joyful and the laughter was how it expressed through you.

Let yourself expand, feeling the bubbling of amusement, the deep power of love welling up in your every cell, filling the space between the cells. Relax into this and breath it deeply. Release any limitations. Allow yourself to feel alive in all your being.

True amusement is a state of being that is expansive, it creates space and allows spirit to enter in. It helps us to heal by helping us to let go, to find a little distance from things that are challenging. It is not about making lite of something serious, but it reminds us that we can always invite life in, even when we are dying.

Do we need a reason to laugh, to love , to feel alive? It is a portal to your essence. Carry it with you and practice it often.

(© 07/09)

GROUNDING AND FREEDOM

I've just returned from daughter's college graduation. It was a time of joy and celebration, but also of completion for her. Nothing is left behind unfinished. Library fines are paid, parking dues cleared, all papers are finished, classes passed. Perhaps she could advance from one year to the next with some outstanding business, but not for this graduation. Her freedom today is based on having shown up and worked through all these things.

We all have an urge to be free, to be able to fly, metaphorically or literally; to be able to be who we feel we are, to travel, to let go of rules that limit us in different ways. In spite of many efforts we often still feel that in some way we were not as free as we can be, and that being in the human world is a source of this lack of freedom. We came here, acted, reacted and created karma that ties us to coming back here.

Fueled by memories of birth; the shift from a sense of self as a vast spiritual being to a limited human infant we have an urge to be free beyond the earthly freedoms found even in flight, to graduate back to spirit in a way that we do not have to return unless we want to. So we strive upwards even in the body, flee ourselves until perhaps we don't even feel all of our body.

The catch is that "karma", our unfinished energetic business is something we carry with us. Its not external judgments, even but Spirit, but patterns we carry that need to unwind and complete. Until we do this we can't fully graduate, we must return, because this is the only place we can complete them.

So we must learn to be present, on Earth and in the body, because, perhaps ironically, doing this consciously is the only way to release ourselves to go elsewhere. So even when our urge is to flee, grounding into the Earth and into our bodies is not a trap, but the best way to gain the freedom we seek.

Grounding consciously into the Earth, helps us to be more fully present in the body, and helps us to do this safely by giving our energy bodies more form, and better boundaries. Grounding into the Earth helps us to release, update and transform those energies we are carrying that are not in harmony with our souls, to complete the incompletes that tie us here.

By acknowledging the energetic connections to the Earth, as well as the Cosmic we find our own space, give space to the internal traumas and fears so that we can perform the alchemies that set us free karmically and energetically.

Perhaps, like me, a practice of feeling into your legs, your feet, and then down into the ground, until you can feel the earth supporting you, will be useful.

May you find the grace and courage to ground into the earth and be fully present so that you can finish all your outstanding business and graduate into fuller spiritual freedom.

(© 06/09) [See also the Dancing on the Earth article and recording.
http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

SHARING OURSELVES

In relationships of all sorts there are some aspects of ourselves that we bring to the table and others that we keep to ourselves. Which aspects we bring and which we keep varies a great deal from one relationship to another.

Like most things in life there are no real hard and fast rules; there may be colleagues who are friends and our friends may be interested in our work, but generally we share unique aspects of ourselves in each relationship.

The idea that the more we share in a relationship the better is worth looking at a little. This is perhaps best framed as a quality versus quantity issue. What are we sharing? If I am sharing judgments, or opinions, or advice in any form, it is not likely to be well received. So what is quallity sharing?

Often I am wanting to share my bright side, my abilities and skills. Not that this is wrong, but if it is all I do, then there is a lack of depth and balance. My friends or partners may feel I'm holding back, or being dishonest. So I may be encouraged to share some of my less brilliant side, even my shadow aspects.

The extent to which a relationship has space (with ownership) for the shadow as well as the light is often seen as a measure of its strength and depth. However, there is another level of "opening up" which is even more profound.

As souls what we really seek is to connect to other souls, to be seen as souls and to be allowed to see others on this level. We have often learned to hide this part of ourselves, sometimes even from ourselves, but when we have the courage and the freedom to "be ourselves" with another person it transcends the level of light and shadow of the personality.

When we can connect and experience support on the soul level then the issue of shadow aspects is much less important. We ourselves are more able to take ownership and heal them. The fact that someone can see us as a soul and appreciate us on that level trumps the personality levels.

Starting with your relationship with yourself, openness is something to cultivate, but with clarity and honesty. Most importantly with ownership. No matter how open we are on the personality level, even with ownership, it is the soul that we are seeking, in all our relationships. To connect to it and express it clearly and cleanly is what we have come here for.

So take some time to reflect on your relationships, what and how you are sharing. Seek ownership on all levels and open your self to dropping into your own soul before sharing it with others.

May all your relationships be full of the breath of soul.

(© 06/09)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

THE STORY TELLER

I have a story teller in my head. Do you?

I'm getting ready to go to a party, something I haven't done in a while. A friend has invited me, but I don't expect to know any one else. In my mind I'm telling myself stories from high school, with the theme of being a wall flower.

I'm heading for a meeting with some friends. We are going to have a little food and work on some plans for a program we are co-creating. My story teller is working through every time I am ignored, out of place, somehow not really part of a group.

My son is coming home from school, and I'm running stories about how we don't have anything to say, or I say the wrong things; or ignore him because I'm afraid that I'll say the wrong things, or .... The story teller is prolific.

Years ago: I'm in Hong Kong flying back to Tokyo the next day, and my story teller is creating the next great airplane disaster movie, and I'm trying to decided if this is a premonition or just the story teller spinning yarns.

Sometimes I'm pissed at the story teller, sometimes I buy it. Over the years I figure he is just trying to keep me safe, by making up all these fearful scenes. After all, I was taught growing up that the world is a scary place (not that it isn't at times) and that
somehow being scared, or figuring out the awful things that might happen will help me out?

I've met others who had an inner part that had a similar assignment; keeping files on all the nasty things that might happen in life. Perhaps you know this part?

These days I know that what I think has power in the world. Not sure exactly how much, but it does have power, especially when it's backed with an emotional charge.

If I show up at a party or meeting expecting emotionally unpleasant things to happen, feeling down on myself, is this likely to help me? or perhaps to create the states of being ignored, or un-received that the story teller is conjuring up? Even if they were real sometime, then isn't now.

So today I'm working with my story teller to create positive stories, ones that I can feel good about. They may not happen (any more than the plane disaster) but at least I'll be happier, and being happier I'm more likely to create something that feels good.

So I walk into the party as me, centering in myself, ready for an adventure with some new human beings, minus the nasty stories, the old disappointments, and I have a good time.

On the way to my meeting I can feel my mood shifting, and when I get there I find myself actually celebrated rather than ignored. We have a great time co-creating and hanging out.

As for my son.. we'll see, but I am going to find my space, let go of the old voices and have my story teller come up with some wonderful scenes for the summer ahead.

If your stories are working for you, God bless you. But if you have a story teller that
feels life has to be film noir, try negotiating an attitude adjustment. The next time you notice yourself "rehearsing"something, ask him or her to create the best story that they can come up with: give them a creative challenge, and if even a fraction of your stories come true, you'll have a wonderful summer.

And if there is a part of you that "can't believe it", make it a game of "make believe", and create some new beliefs. At least you can choose a more pleasant in-flight movie.

(©5/09)

A SUCCESSFUL LIFE

Every so often you may find a headline that says something like "Successful Businessman Commits Suicide".

This begs the question: if he was so successful, why did he commit suicide? Leaving aside the various possibilities of movie thriller drama, we come to potential conflicts between social and personal success.

We know many definitions of success having to do with money, fame, beauty, power etc. External measures that are the result of efforts on the public stage. We are taught to strive for this success, and to at least present the appearance of it. Some of us do a pretty good job. Or we may give up and go for couch potato land, but we are still buying into the same definition, even as we decry it.

How much space is there collectively or personally for a different sense of success; one which is based on being happy, on feeling appreciation for ourselves and our life? How many George Bailey's are there out there in real life, in the 21st century?

Several years ago I did a short reading for a man who seemed to be quiet successful in the conventional sense, while I hardly thought of myself that way; and yet I found myself giving him permission to do what he wanted to do in his heart! Something that for all his success, or perhaps because of it? he couldn't do for himself.

The Chinese have an old saying that you shouldn't refer to a man as having a good life, until he has had a good death. When we consider ourselves such failures that we decide to leave early, can we be said to have had a good life, not matter how "successful" we have been?

On the other hand, like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, when we buy into the material sense of success, how often do we judge ourselves harshly in spite of having had a good life in an inner sense, in a quieter sense?

Spiritually, communally, perhaps a simple quiet life, is a triumph, a great success; especially if we can own it for ourselves. To live a long life without substantial regrets; to love another for 40 or 50 years; to raise children and know your grandchildren; to be willing to help others in practical matters, share one's enthusiasm, work hard and practice patience; are these not a form of inner, perhaps even spiritual, success.

Most importantly; to live by one's own standards, whatever they are, to take life on one's own terms, and measure success by the impulses of your own heart, is this not what we come here to do? Perhaps this leads to being a CEO, or perhaps it is being a janitor, a nurse, a parent, or many things in between, but to be a contented human being on one's own terms is not an easy feat! To quietly put aside the striving and simply model being present as a kind and happy human being, seems also a courageous and admirable way to live.

May you find the grace to appreciate who you are and be content with the calling of your own heart. You will greatly enrich all our lives.
For my Father
(© 5/09)

TIMELY DREAMS

Living in the present is a goal that most of us have heard about or have been actively working towards. Pulling our energy out of the future and back from the past so that we can be alive here and now is taught in many traditions.

But what about our dreams? In the culture we are supposed to have dreams in our youth, which we stick to, or give up, or chase, or realize. It is generally recognized that having dreams is a good thing (unless all you ever do is dream), but that in practice many of us should "face reality", grown up and put them away.

Giving up on our dreams, as you know, is dieing inside. Our dreams come from Spirit and our soul, and in giving them up we lose ourselves. So we should stick with our dreams, in spite of mixed social mesages.

Recently I was working with someone and I realized that their space was full of old dreams. This is partly due to the funny things that time has been doing lately, so the "usual" linearity has begun to scramble a bit, meaning that the phrase "all things are now" is happening more obviously.

As I looked at these dreams though I noticed that being "old" they were therefore out-of-date. They had been dreamt in the past and had not really changed. Like many old things, frozen in time (even though they were wandering into the present), they were also somewhat lifeless.

It became clear that not only do we need to keep our dreams, but we should be refreshing them, letting them evolve with us and our experience and situation in the world. Perhaps more than other aspects of life they should not be cast in stone.

Imagine an artist who has a vision and then endlessly repeats the same work of art. What starts fresh and full of life and insight, becomes old and stale. The dreams of our youth, should not be given up, but they should be allowed to evolve.

How many ways do those of us who hold our dreams become trapped in them? Dreams are not something that should hold us hostage; they should set us free. Just as we know that dreaming someone else's dream is unlikely to satisfy our soul, dreaming an old dream is also out of sync with who we are today.

"Living the dream" is not acting out a dream from long ago, but speaks to allowing your dream to live, to grow and change, just as you do.

May your dreams be always fresh and full of joy and life.

(© 4/09)

HAVINGNESS

There is an old proverb about letting things go in order to receive them. This is usually referenced to relationships, how we have to release people in order to have them truly come to us. The hard part being that if we expect them to come back then we have not really let them go, have we?

Its not just relationships for which this may be said. In some manifestation processes the last step, after working on the vision of what we want in various ways, is to cast it out to the universe to come back to us. We have to surrender at some point in order to receive.

Surrendering is a state of neutrality, in which receiving or not receiving are both options. It is not that when we surrender, the universe will do everything the way we want it to. If we still have expectations, we still have attatchment.

Perhaps it is that if we are full of need and want, expectation and attatchment there is no space for the things we think we want to show up. Perhaps it is about the level of our being that we are experiencing? Is it the egoic level of judgement, need, and attatchment? or the spiritual level of knowing that we are held and supported Spiritually through everything?

In healing work the opposite is also true. Until you can allow something to be, it cannot change. Until you can have it, you can not release it. Until we move through resistance to a place of neutrality the deep healing can't happen.

This doesn't mean we have to like it, or approve of something, but we have to accept that it is there. How can you change something that is not there?

Several years ago I started some deep body work because I had some lower back issues. One of the first things that came up was pain associated with an old scar in my belly. A hernia operation when I was 3 months old, that I had been carrying for nearly 50 years. It never particularly bothered me, but it sure was painful when worked on.

I had to find it and allow it to be, before I could clear and release it. This is true on many levels and there are ways of safely working with deeper things. But when I stopped holding onto that pain, space was made for something else to be present. Knowing it was there I was able to make a choice to let it go.

To adapt the poet:
True havingness is a place beyond giving and receiving, in which Life is: flowing and changing. In that place were we can allow things to be or not be, anything is possible. Allowing something to not be we can create it, allowing something to be we can release it.

Join me on the journey to that place of havingness, in which process we may discover what we really need.

(© 4/09)

METAPHORS OF TRANSFORMATION

Cracking Seeds
In a dream this week I had a brief vision of a seed, surrounded by a hard shell (as a nut is), cracking open so the fresh green shoot can begin to grown into the plant that is to come. In the dream it was clear that this was a metaphor for spiritual growth.

In reflection the shell is aspects of ego and mind which are formed from old hurts, pain, anger, fear. We hold onto these and make a shell of them to protect ourselves from possible future hurts. But, while it protects us, it also limits new growth.

Just as the shell must crack so the seed can sprout, we have to relax our old protection and release the old emotions so that we can be open to new spiritual growth. Growth that allows us to emerge above ground in this time of spring, to bask in the sun of Spirit, to be nurtured by the rain and the soil.

In this growth beyond the shell of the old ego/mind we find our true nature and purpose. While the "cracking" may be painful or hard, it is also necessary for us to move to a new level and be reborn. Like most processes if we resist it it will take longer, if we relax it can be easier.

May we all be able to recognize the times when our shells are trying to crack open so that we can grow and find our souls.

Butterfly Cells

We have all heard the metaphor of the inch worm becoming a butterfly. When the caterpillar is ready to transform it spins a cocoon. Inside the cocoon it begins to break down, the cells coming apart into an organic goop. As this happens a few new seed cells appear, cells that will be part of the butterfly.

At first the old cells attack these new ones as foreign, perhaps as diseased. But they multiply very fast, and more and more are formed, too many to be suppressed. The old cells continue to fall apart, and around the new seed cells the butterfly is born.

How often to we attack the seeds of transformation in others or even in ourselves? But they are there inside us so that when we let go of the fear of dissolving, of coming apart, when we crack, these new cells, the seeds of the spiritual self are already there to guide the new form. We will loose the old self, but that is not the self/mind that will create the butterfly of our soul. Your higher self, your deeper self, the seeds of your soul already stirring within you will do that.

Relax your self/mind. Just as the new sprout, struggling to be free of the seed shell, knows how to grow into a plant, the seeds of your soul will guide the alchemy by which you become the butterfly of your soul-manifested-through-the-body.

(© 3/09)

THE FLAVOR OF THE SEASONS

Have you ever taken time to notice the emotional flavor to a day or a season? Its easiest on those days that are noticeably un-seasonal. Those days in late August or September that we get a first hint of Fall, or the warm days in February or March that stir up the feelings of Spring. Often its a fleeting sense that we may barely notice, sometimes a whole day that has a different feel.

Here in the front range we have been having a very warm Winter, that has been feeling like late Spring for a while now. Even for Colorado's infamously variable weather its been pushing things a bit and we have had a consistent feel of May through most of February.

For me the awareness is emotional, and the triggers mainly subconscious. It may be the temperature, the color of the sky, the way the light hits, or a smell, but suddenly it feels like a different season. Our subconscious memory structures are all associative, so when we get key sensory cues to the season the associated feelings and sometimes whole memory chains pop up to the surface.

We all have our favorite seasons, or ones that are challenging. Fall for me has long had a flavor of new beginnings, because of the school cycle that I spent so many years in. Other seasons have their own flavors that have built up over the years, some coherent, others mixed.

These flavors become the background of our lives, the layering of old emotions that form the stage dressing for current experience. As long as the progressions are as they have been in the past, and reasonably stately, we don't notice them much, the emotional background is simply part of each season for us.

When things are different we can begin to be aware of how much old flavor we are constantly bringing to the present.

Now we are in high Spring in February I am noticing whole seasons of emotional content that are showing up. Past springs that were good or challenging, floating through my being. I wonder if the clearing processes are moving so fast now that we are releasing the emotional charges not of single memories or events, but whole seasons at one shot.

When we can be aware of these associations we have the opportunity to transmute our relationships with each season: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. To clear the season's past emotional flavors, to come to each one fresh and open, as children do, with excitement and anticipation. We are being stirred in a way that makes it clear that much of what shows up each day or week is not about the present energies and being in relationship to them as they are, but is echoing out of the memories of the past.

Releasing these old associations, attachments, resistances, we can actually feel today, rather than all the yesterdays. Not that we have to get rid of the past, but to allow it to be past, a faint echo, so we can be present to have new experiences of joy and wonder. That's what makes the good memories so good, they were times in childhood or in love, when we were truly present to the moment, fully alive.

The churning of the seasons, by bringing the emotional overlays to conscious awareness, gives us the chance to claim this state again: being present and fresh in all moments, choosing new ways of relationship to the events of our lives, and new emotional flavors.

May your season, whatever it is, be wondrous and joyful, and all your moments deeply alive.

(© 03/09)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

RELATIONSHIPS, SPACE, AND SPIRIT

Whether its because Valentine's Day has been on the horizon, or the moon in the 7th house of relationships, aspects of relationship have been showing up all week.

I have written before about the value of viewing a relationship as a third space that you create with another person. Each party has their own space and together they create a third space in which to have the relationship, whatever that may be; romantic, friendship, familial, or business.

This is in contrast to some views of relationship in which the two independent spaces merge into a single unified space. While this may feel wonderful and work for a while, it is generally not sustainable, and is often confusing and leads to power conflicts and many other challenges.


When I have my own space and you have yours, we are rooted in who we are, we have a sense of self, a space to relate to ourselves and Spirit. We can then easily give our partner permission to have their space in the same way. From this foundation we can come into co-creation in a third space, the space of the relationship.

At times we may both dive in completely and revel in loss of self and unity of body, heart, mind or spirit. When we need a breather we can climb back into our own space. We can have both connection and independence, unity and selfhood. We can be complete in ourselves and joyfully go beyond ourselves with another.

In ceremonial work it is advised to remember that as you co-create with others, Spirit is always present as a unifying, encompassing force. It is easier to step out of attachment and ego when you are surrendering to Spirit, thanto your partner or partners, no matter how much you love them. It is amazing how easily and smoothly creation happens in this way.

Having your relationships as independent spaces provides space for Spirit to enter in this way. In the field of conscious relationship the concept of a "Third Presence"[1], a sort of relationship oversoul, is viewed as not merely helpful, but essential to a successful intimate relationship. This spiritual presence becomes an ally, and can hold the space when its hard for you to do so. It brings in creativity and assistance, understanding and perspective, when they are most needed.

When we are mashed together in a single space, mine, yours, or a combination, there is not much room for Spirit to enter in. Spirit moves in the Void, the in-between, the space between atoms and the spaces between people. Remembering the saying, "When two or more are gathered...", I wonder if this is not a similar creation of space in which Spirit can arise, or appear.

May you fully enjoy the process of co-creating your relationships with your friends and beloveds, in partnership with Spirit it's easier and safer to open to another, and manifest your dreams.

[1] Flesh and Spirit, J. Zimmerman & J. McCandless, 1998
(© 2/09)

POSITIVE INTENTIONS

In the post-Secret world we understand that setting intentions is a key to manifesting the life that we want.

One of the key rules for intentions is that they need to be set in positive terms, like affirmations and hypnotic suggestions, which are used to reprogram our subconscious. Positive phrasing is important because the subconscious, which holds our most important beliefs and programs, apparently doesn't hear negative words like "not". So if you set an intention to "not overeat", the mind hears "overeat"; with contrary results.

My own sense of why the subconscious is poor at negatives is that the coin of that realm is not so much words as sensory experiences: pictures, feelings, sounds. These do not include equivalents of "not". When we say I will not smoke, we are most likely to see a picture of smoking, perhaps with a red slash through it, with the verbal "not". What the subconscious receives is the image and/or feeling of smoking.

Intentions are more often thought of as being addressed to spirit than the subconscious, so you may wonder why spirit also has trouble with negatives. Perhaps it is because while we think in words, what spirit receives is the pictures and feelings that words invoke as we think them.

It is known that aligning our emotional state with our words is important in powering all these processes. It is likely that the emotions tend to follow the picture or sensory experience evoked by the words, rather than the words themselves. We are back with the subconscious.

There is another reason for working with positive phrasing. It forces us to clarify what our true intention is. If we can't say "my intention is to not worry", what replaces worry? Where is it we do want to go? If this is fuzzy then spirit still has a hard time knowing what we want. Even with things that are better defined, "I don't want to be fat", is more clearly something like "I want to be my ideal weight". But what exactly is that for us?

In every case the exercise of really envisioning what we want; how does it feel to be our ideal weight? perhaps we also want to be more athletic? how does that look and feel? engages us in a whole different way and begins to bring hope and joy into the process. And if there are any underlying blocking beliefs it will flush them out as well, helping to increase our havingness.

Life should be lived manifesting the positive, not fighting the negative.

In this coming year there are great opportunities to realize the positives. May you find out what you really want to create; aligning your senses and your heart with positive words, bring it easily and effortlessly to your life.

(© 1/09)

TRAVELING LIGHT

Have you ever had a dream in which you have left something somewhere and are trying to find it? It might be clothes, or a backpack, or a person; but something that feels important to carry forward. Perhaps you can't quite remember where you left it, or perhaps you can't seem to find your way back to that place.

Two weeks ago I was leaving for Christmas on the east coast. I carefully packed a backpack with some books, a few holiday DVDs to share, some of my new CDs that I had spent the last few weeks creating on the physical. The presents I had collected for my family, some found easily and others searched from store to store, were stashed; an empty water bottle, and a sandwich and snacks for the plane. I was feeling happy that I had remembered all the things I wanted to take.

My daughter and I were ready in good time. I had booked an evening flight which meant no crack of dawn this time. We loaded our luggage in the car. I remembered that I should collect the key to my parents house, and went back inside for it. A clear sunny Colorado day, and in good spirits we drove off as I joked to my daughter that this was the last chance to remember anything thatwe had forgotten. We had everything with us.

A nice drive to the airport: afternoon, before the rush hour traffic. We parked and got our luggage out of the car to catch a shuttle to the terminal. Only my backpack was missing? Carefully packed it was still sitting next to the dinning table, where I had walked by it several times, including when I went back for the keys. My guides are really laughing at me now.

So I had left my "stuff" behind, including some things that I had worked hard to complete or find before leaving. But its still a nice day. I have my toothbrush and my clothes. Somehow its OK. In fact through checkin, security clearance (where a wonderful woman was actually having having fun in her job), and out to the gate, I felt light and free. I can feel my mind letting go. Letting go of old pictures about presents from when I was a kid. Letting go of the need to keep track of things in general, dropping me into the present, where everything was fine, and I could experience the joy of appreciating the people around me, the family and friends that I would see soon. Releasing the mental attachments there was so much space for heart experience.

In a dream I might have spent a considerable time searching for the lost backpack, but here I can let it go. It will be there at home when I return, and in the meantime I'm alive, breathing, having fun. Nothing really important is lost. In fact my mother had suggested that we defocus on presents this year. Even the delay in our flight (so we got in at 3:00 am), just allowed us to meet some good folks in the waiting area. It was all just a flow, setting the tone for a good holiday full of people and connection.

So, as we open a new year, I'm hoping that I'm ready to leave more of my "stuff" behind. To live in the natural flow where things come and go, and then more things come. To travel lighter, and to trust that the things I really need will be with me, or show up. To allow my mind to let go of keeping track, of holding on, so that I can be present with others in a deeper way, open to joy and connection in every moment.

This is a great time to allow old things to complete, to check in with what you are circling back for that you may not really need. Opening the doors to a new year full of promise and adventure, new friends and old, deepening trust in yourself, and allowing more room for your soul to sing and dance.

(© 1/09)