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I still remember when, 3-4 years after marrying a lady from a different culture, it dawned on me that we might have very different concepts of what marriage meant! But of course, "well Duh!"
How often do we assume we are on the same page in a relationship only to find out later that the stories were different. In every relationship there are actually three stories, mine, yours, and some form of ours.
When you go to look for a romantic partner, are you really open to discovering a new and unique human being, a soul manifesting through a unique personality and story? Or do you look for someone who is willing to fit a slot/role in our story of who we are? Perhaps not consciously.. but?
In many societies and traditional cultures, the story of our family, tribe, nation, becomes our story, and the personalities we encounter in our family form a large part of our personality. We may love them or hate them, but we usually work a line that leads towards or away from these initial relationships.
In these societies, as we grow older, we come together to form new relationships with friends, partners, spouses and the stories of these new relationships may already be determined in large part by the social and family stories. There may be more than one role, but we are often
looking for a character in our story, rather than an encounter with another soul.
In our modern world, we may think that we have escaped the stories. Perhaps we have just opened up our options and have so many more to choose from. We live in a country, and a world, were we encounter people who come from widely diverse cultural and familial backgrounds.
In creating a relationship with someone who does not inherently share the same basic story, there is almost always a challenge to find a common story. Perhaps there is a competition. Perhaps two people meet who are naturally leader and follower, though this is part of the story too. Some of us may not like our stories and be open to finding someone else's to step into, or may simply discount ourself to the extent we give up our story in order to have a relationship.
There are negotiations, battles, and sometimes conscious co-creation, but as a relationship deepens its story becomes more important, and the personal stories may diminish. As we are conscious of this process, we may think about what we will loose in personal freedom, where will we have to compromise, or give up power, in order to be in relationship?
This is still a dance of stories.
How often do we come to a relationship as two souls looking to explore each other and create a new story together? How far are we willing to let go of our existing stories in this process? Do we need someone who will match our story so we don't have to negotiate? Can we step into our soul being enough to let the old stories go and be excited about creating something new? Perhaps this is never 100%, but it shifts the process from a dance of stories, to one of people. There are no right or wrong answers here.
Perhaps in the end the more we are willing to let go our story does not, as we often fear, have to be a process of losing ourself in a relationship, but can be a conscious, loving, process of choice, through which we are able to find more of our selves and our soul. A process of true co-creation of a new shared story with a partner, in which we are both aware of ourselves as souls who create stories, rather than competing personalities that have been created by stories.
How often do we assume we are on the same page in a relationship only to find out later that the stories were different. In every relationship there are actually three stories, mine, yours, and some form of ours.
When you go to look for a romantic partner, are you really open to discovering a new and unique human being, a soul manifesting through a unique personality and story? Or do you look for someone who is willing to fit a slot/role in our story of who we are? Perhaps not consciously.. but?
In many societies and traditional cultures, the story of our family, tribe, nation, becomes our story, and the personalities we encounter in our family form a large part of our personality. We may love them or hate them, but we usually work a line that leads towards or away from these initial relationships.
In these societies, as we grow older, we come together to form new relationships with friends, partners, spouses and the stories of these new relationships may already be determined in large part by the social and family stories. There may be more than one role, but we are often
looking for a character in our story, rather than an encounter with another soul.
In our modern world, we may think that we have escaped the stories. Perhaps we have just opened up our options and have so many more to choose from. We live in a country, and a world, were we encounter people who come from widely diverse cultural and familial backgrounds.
In creating a relationship with someone who does not inherently share the same basic story, there is almost always a challenge to find a common story. Perhaps there is a competition. Perhaps two people meet who are naturally leader and follower, though this is part of the story too. Some of us may not like our stories and be open to finding someone else's to step into, or may simply discount ourself to the extent we give up our story in order to have a relationship.
There are negotiations, battles, and sometimes conscious co-creation, but as a relationship deepens its story becomes more important, and the personal stories may diminish. As we are conscious of this process, we may think about what we will loose in personal freedom, where will we have to compromise, or give up power, in order to be in relationship?
This is still a dance of stories.
How often do we come to a relationship as two souls looking to explore each other and create a new story together? How far are we willing to let go of our existing stories in this process? Do we need someone who will match our story so we don't have to negotiate? Can we step into our soul being enough to let the old stories go and be excited about creating something new? Perhaps this is never 100%, but it shifts the process from a dance of stories, to one of people. There are no right or wrong answers here.
Perhaps in the end the more we are willing to let go our story does not, as we often fear, have to be a process of losing ourself in a relationship, but can be a conscious, loving, process of choice, through which we are able to find more of our selves and our soul. A process of true co-creation of a new shared story with a partner, in which we are both aware of ourselves as souls who create stories, rather than competing personalities that have been created by stories.
May all your creations be joyous.
© 8/08[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]
