TIME TO STOP "TRYING"

Several years ago I was working on rebuilding a house I had just moved into. This involved a good deal of excavation, which I did over time, by hand. Good exercise and a great way to work out anger and frustration that I had coming up at the time. Having been a practitioner of T'ai Chi for many years I approached this task with an attitude of relaxing into it. The Tao of pick and shovel.

Even digging ditches can be done with effort or without effort. Effort being a mental attitude, not a measure of physical energy. Moreover the more I focused on relaxing while I worked, the less tired I got, the less I ached, and the more I got done.

Perhaps you have had experiences that are similar to this in other areas.

Lately I've been noticing a deeper layer of "trying" energy in myself and in clients. It is more fundamentally mental, being woven through the ego. I suspect that most of us know this feeling, of trying to do or be something, something that we are supposed to do or be, or something that will make us safe, or appreciated; fill in the blanks. This process is perhaps successful in the short run, but in the long run it is exhausting.

The story seems to go back to the early stages of life. As a new human we are a soul incarnating, bringing with us joy and enthusiasm, creativity and curiosity, and a wonderful menu of talents and interests unique to ourselves. We show up in a world that doesn't have room for all of who we are, or they way we are, or...

In these years we were forming not only our physical bodies, but our emotional and mental bodies, through which to express our souls and explore our world. However, to the extent that we were not received, these bodies, in particular the mental "ego" level, becomes a layer that serves more to protect the soul than to express it. It is this level of our being that "trys" .

Trying is specifically not fueled from our core. It is an outside-in process, rather than an inside-out process, fueled from the body level, the emotional and mental levels. It is therefore ultimately exhausting and in a sense futile. No matter how successful you are at "trying", you still have not created space to be yourself.

So as you move on through life you eventually have an exhausted inner young person who has been "trying" for most of your life, and she/he is not only tiered of trying but is probably pretty pissed off about the whole thing.

This can be true even for those of us who have some sense of who we are as spirits and souls. Part of us is tuned in to ourselves, but part of us is still valiantly "trying" to keep us safe.

It is time to talk with our "trying" part. In great gratitude to give him or her permission to take a long vacation, and to return with a new mission, to learn to create from the inside out, to express our souls rather than simply protect them.

It is time to look deeper into our being and find the even younger self that is our bright essence waiting to come out to create and play. However vulnerable or fragile this part may have felt or seemed when we were infants or children, this is actually where our power lies.

From the inside out we do not exhaust ourselves, we do not have to figure things out, we do not have to "try". We relax into ourselves and know who we are and, in time, we can see how that will manifest.

This is not something we have to learn, or find, or solve. It is within us always, and we get there by letting go of fear and effort, by setting our intention for going home and relaxing into it.

We are dong this together. With support from Spirit. Now.

What a glorious time to be alive.

(© 10/08)[read the full version @ http://www.wholebeingexplorations.com/spirit/writings.html ]

TRADING RESPONSIBILITY FOR JOY

On the rare occasions that I host a party or a dinner I have noticed myself entering a state that I think of as "host" energy. It is a somewhat timeless place due to the focus and presence in the moment as I work to ensure that things are done, people taken care of, that everyone has a good time. One task or conversation follows another and before I know it the evening is over and I come back to myself and the lower energy levels I usually function at.

Even if it was a good event, I usually feel a bit drained and wonder where all the time went. Perhaps I also feel some relief.

Its a different energy from attending someone else's party, though that may also be a busy time full of a series of conversations and other events that are not very dissimilar. The difference is that I am not the "host" I don't walk in with a sense of responsibility for anyone else, just for myself.

Recently I have been noticing parallels with other situations. Take parenting. Now that I am stepping out of that, I notice the relief of not being in host mode for my children, even though years of experience had dulled the edge a bit. As they have grown up I am glad to acknowledge that they can take on more responsibility for their own lives. I try to trust them as capable
human beings to do so.

But what about other guests, or even more balanced relationships? How about a new roommate, a new romantic interest, or a new co-worker? Do you go into "host mode"? or perhaps you might experience it as "wanting to make a good impression"? Some elements of "caretaking" might even slip in. Its probably not conscious, so check twice. To what extent do you "take responsibility" for
others when it might be reasonable to let them take it for themselves?

There's no correct answer here, just something to consider.

In some cases it is reasonable. If you have a guest from far away who doesn't know their way around town, they may need some help getting around, but are you also responsible for them enjoying their trip? or are they? If so to what extent? Are you creating their experience? or are you co-creating with them?

Back at the party: we are all adults, isn't it appropriate that I trust my guests to have a good time, or to ask if they need something? What happens if I let go of the weight of being responsible for everyone and just show up in joy and enthusiasm? Wow. A bit better for me! perhaps even better for them?

Not that I don't still do all the appropriate things as host, but the energy is very different. Instead of being in accelerated attention mode (read anxiety), I can just be present in joy and expectation that something great will unfold. I have more space to consider what is appropriate, and what may not be. In taking care of myself and creating space for others to take care of themselves, trusting that they can, do we not take steps towards true co-creation?

In trusting yourself, trusting others, you can ease the anxiety and burden of "responsibility" and open a whole different space. Perhaps you have already discovered this. Wonderful! Perhaps there are still situations or relationships where you can give yourself more permission to let go and make the switch. Let's start practicing.

Just think of a world full of joy and enthusiasm. What a great thing to create together!

© 10/08

HOLDING THE CENTER

As in the old Chinese curse it seems we are living in interesting times. Whether they are driven by the forces of galactic evolution, or the mass psychology of the human species, or both, or something else, we have everything from global warming to the potential meltdown of western capitalism unfolding before us.

Perhaps it is strange, but I find myself joyful and excited. I'm surprised myself. I've worried about these things most of my life. So why this amazing sense of joy and possibility?

Because you are waking up. Individually and collectively we are growing, healing, and waking up. There is a common intention to create community with a new purpose, or a renewed purpose, to serve spirit and the common good, to weave the sacred into daily life, to bring joy and love into our lives and our relationships.

This time the process is from the inside out. We are learning to face our shadows, to embrace our fears, to dive deep - where the still dark we discover is the foundation of possibility and creativity, out of which we can make new choices.

When we are not yet rooted in our central spiritual core, and the outer layers of the personality or the world around us (the manifest aspects of spirit and energy) dissolve, crumble, and transform, we are left lost in the darkness, afraid.

But when we have learned to reach inside, going deep, or high, or however you experience it, and have begun to connect with your high self, your soul, your source, then when the outer layers tremble and loose their structure, it is not I that is gone. There is a still quiet knowingness that spirit is deeper than the outer layers, and it is from this deeper place that you are strong, creative, and everything is possible.

From this place we can live in love and hope and joy, even amid flow and transformation.

The surprise today is to feel this welling up, when I wasn't sure yet that it was really there. I can feel that my brothers and sisters are also holding this space also, that around the world many of us have the intention to hold this center so that transformation can take place. Personally, for another, or in communities.

Feel for it, ask for it, intend it, and allow your self to be drawn to it. It is there for you, and it is surfacing. Remember this is really who you are, always there when we let go of fear and the need to hold the outside together. In the spaces the center emerges, we remember the sacred, the essential self, and in joy and love we can create a new world.

© 9/08