COMFORTABLE SHADOWS

Several months ago I was in a sweat lodge, feeling into what I needed to give away. What came up for me was grief.

At the time I was using grief to intentionally release attachment to a relationship I was trying to create. I have had a good deal of practice sitting with my grief over the years, letting it move through me, coming into a relationship with it that approaches being comfortable.

Now, there is truth in the idea that releasing needy attachment to relationships actually opens more space for them to be. Being able to grieve well is not a bad thing either. It’s an important part of being able to let the world flow and change, as it will.

The insight in that sweat was that I was indeed comfortable in my grief. My ego knew the territory and felt satisfied about navigating it. It was clear that beyond releasing it, I could hide out there, feeling like I was doing good “work”, and yet using that space to stay safe in known, if unhappy, territory. Wrapping myself in this grief, I was less present in my life, less able to create what I thought I wanted. 

(© 9/14)

Click for the full article.